Carrie Imler: A Life in Pointe Shoes
I’ve been lucky enough to live the dream. But, I mean, truly lucky. My earliest memories are filled with the warm, musty smell of the theatre. The constant, rhythmic tap of dance shoes on the stage floor was my lullaby. Mum was a dancer, a second soloist in the Pennsylvania Ballet Company. I was, it seemed, born into it.
At three years old, I was enrolled in classes at the company school. It was a haven for me; a magical place where anything was possible. When I turned six, I became hooked on ballet. This wasn’t some pre-teen whimsy – I was utterly captivated. And, truthfully, that feeling has never faded. I knew, with absolute certainty, that my destiny lay within those gilded confines of the theatre.
It’s not unusual for children of dancers to follow the path laid out before them. But, my ambition was burning brighter than most. Even with all the time spent at the barre, my training wasn’t enough. In the company school, I could see all the exceptional talent that would never grace the main stage. Talent isn’t the only key; unwavering commitment is a prerequisite. In the ballet world, you simply don’t have the luxury of time to waste.
And so, after finishing secondary school, my mother and I moved to New York. My dreams had always been set on the American Ballet Theatre – ABT. This wasn’t just the big leagues, it was the pinnacle. As a teenager, my mother had performed with them as a guest artist. To join that company, and follow in her footsteps, was something that drove me every single day.
Of course, it wasn’t a straightforward journey. In New York, the competition was fierce. Each dancer, each teacher, held an unyielding standard. You needed resilience to weather the emotional and physical storms. This is an often misunderstood element of the ballet world. It’s a constant fight; you must push yourself beyond your limits and learn to ignore your own limitations. To conquer your physical boundaries, your own fears, is essential. It is, quite frankly, the most demanding dance form in the world.
And yet, I thrived under the pressure. As a student at the School of American Ballet, my talent was recognised early on. When I graduated, I was one of the fortunate few invited to the Summer Intensive programme. The programme was designed to offer elite dancers a chance to be observed by the company’s artistic director, as well as the rest of the faculty. If you were chosen, your talent would be evident to all. In my third year, I received the most sought-after prize of the intensive: a coveted spot in ABT II.
ABT II offered a platform to showcase emerging talent. The dancers, myself included, were constantly on our toes. Each performance was an opportunity to prove ourselves. But, a chance for me to prove myself as an artist arrived through a truly unique opportunity.
At twenty years old, I was asked to perform a lead role, in the most extraordinary production – the company’s revival of Antony Tudor’s “The Lilac Garden.” This was one of those ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ moments that every dancer dreams of. At first, I was completely overwhelmed; but as I delved deeper into Tudor’s masterful choreography, a passion and understanding blossomed. This ballet was so beautifully nuanced; its depth, and emotional intelligence, made it such a remarkable journey for me to explore.
My time on stage was one of both overwhelming elation and crippling fear. In moments of anxiety, the only thing I could hear was the insistent beat of my heart. This isn’t unusual for a ballet dancer; those terrifying minutes under the bright stage lights were enough to drive most sane people mad. But for me, and many other dancers, it was our greatest joy. To surrender ourselves to the music, and to inhabit a character through a physical language that spoke volumes – that is where our passion and purpose lie. The intensity of it is impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.
However, performing in Tudor’s piece marked a crucial turning point in my career. The critics were particularly favourable, and a lot of attention was focused on the potential I possessed as an artist. This was a crucial recognition, and my performance seemed to give me more momentum within ABT II.
With all of these accomplishments under my belt, one thing was glaringly clear to me: it was time to work my way to the top of the company. This was where the real challenges began. Not only was the company renowned for the technical mastery and precision it demanded, but it was also rife with ruthless ambition. There was fierce competition for each and every spot; with limited promotion available, dancers had to push themselves beyond what was previously thought possible.
I became deeply embroiled in the relentless choreography sessions. It felt like every day was an audition. This was, perhaps, my most formative experience as a dancer; it truly hardened me. After being immersed in this competitive landscape for several years, something changed. I became a creature of routine, I embraced my work ethic, and I was absolutely relentless in pursuing my ambition. The world I moved within was not built for sentimentality or compassion; you had to prove your worth to yourself and everyone else – every single day.
To get to that point of unquestioning ambition, the road required immense mental and physical strength. It is essential to train your mind to disregard exhaustion; to see through the aches, the fatigue, and to feel only the sheer willpower that propels you forward. If a dancer cannot conquer these demons, she is a dancer without purpose, one who will not flourish on this unforgiving stage. This is the unspoken rule of this world; a ballet dancer’s resolve and drive become inextricably intertwined with her physical training. They are symbiotic, one is merely a manifestation of the other.
One of my main sources of support throughout those challenging years was, and still is, my partner, Michael. He’s a wonderful artist – a dancer, just like me – and understands the unique pressures that we endure as dancers. In a world that celebrates and encourages competition, to find a partner who embraces, supports, and truly celebrates your work – well, that’s truly special.
There are some parts of the world I was able to escape, if only for brief periods of time. Michael, an incredible contemporary dancer, often found himself involved with touring dance productions that were distinct from classical ballet. In those moments, I would try to unwind in some much-needed relaxation and recharge. The tours were sometimes a bit lonely, with all the traveling and the new surroundings – but in the absence of all the ballet drama, I found peace in the everyday. Sometimes I’d find solace in wandering through museums, galleries, or enjoying a long afternoon in a coffee shop with a good book. These breaks were invaluable – not just in grounding me, but in restoring my enthusiasm for the company and for the joy I felt while dancing.
Even with a brief escape from the demands of the world of ballet, returning to the company never diminished my desire for success. Over those challenging years, there were times when my spirit flagged – there were nights when, exhausted and emotionally spent, I just wanted to throw in the towel. However, a simple shift in perspective – or an inspirational conversation with Michael – always put me back on track. You cannot let fatigue, fear, or disillusionment influence your course, and when things felt like too much, it was those conversations that reassured me that the road was worthwhile.
In the company’s rigid world, success can come from many directions. While the principal dancers received all the spotlight, there are many other aspects that require immense effort. My breakthrough arrived, quite surprisingly, through a demanding ensemble role. It wasn’t a soloist, but it demanded significant athleticism. For several years, I’d been playing supporting roles in productions, but my technical precision and commitment allowed me to step forward into the ensemble in "Giselle," in which my performance was a defining moment in my career. It made the critics sit up and take notice. After this, there was a notable shift – I had earned the respect and trust of the company’s artistic director.
That pivotal performance in “Giselle” is one of the performances I remember with particular clarity – all of the emotion, and physical strain, came together so effortlessly on stage. It was not a solo role, but it demanded such athletic prowess. In all honesty, it is still one of my favourite pieces, to this day. When I perform in "Giselle," it reminds me why I became a dancer – it’s pure passion that takes you away.
After a successful run in the “Giselle” ensemble, a sense of validation, of being recognised, became a source of pride. I had reached that pinnacle that was so many years in the making. A couple of months later, at a company performance of "Don Quixote," an amazing opportunity emerged: a late, sudden change to the program required that the company pull a dancer from ABT II to take on the leading role as Kitri. To my surprise, I was asked to take the part, on the very next evening. As my first soloist role, the experience was extraordinary – almost as exciting and terrifying as it had been for me on the first night of my career.
As Kitri, I found my artistic voice; I was finally in control of the creative journey. This gave me an unexpected boost in confidence, something I was starting to crave as I settled into the role of a soloist in ABT. With more solo roles appearing, it was no longer just a question of my talent, but of my commitment to the company and its mission. From the moment I joined ABT, the dedication, the commitment – every second in rehearsal and on stage, it was as if I was being molded, trained, and polished into this highly sophisticated version of my art. I felt myself becoming increasingly skilled, and I started to think in a more artistic and complex way.
As a ballerina, you must master a very rigorous schedule and the endless cycle of rehearsals and performances. Each new role meant months of practice and study; every rehearsal session was dedicated to understanding, analyzing, and perfecting every movement. Even after my years as a company soloist, this remained one of the greatest challenges and, frankly, one of the main pleasures of my professional life. Each ballet has its own demands – from the romantic, airy, flowing style of Giselle, to the lighter, energetic approach in the “Don Quixote” performances. And then there was "Swan Lake" – with the intricate and technically complex work required for the double roles. Every dancer knows there is a strict technical standard to meet for each ballet – you simply can’t cheat.
Even after all this time, when I see the beautiful dance sequence from “Swan Lake” I am utterly entranced by the story. In the tale of love, betrayal, and tragic despair, every movement, every nuance, is symbolic, and that was something I really enjoyed exploring as a dancer. I particularly liked performing as the Black Swan; to explore her power, sensuality, and the dramatic force she conveys to the audience. With "Swan Lake" – there are, without a doubt, some of the most demanding steps that can be undertaken. The entire sequence, and especially the role of the Black Swan, requires an intensity that is impossible to fake, something you can feel from every performer. For me, this is one of those unforgettable, iconic, and breathtaking productions that is a privilege to experience. To perform it on stage is nothing short of an exhilarating and beautiful spectacle – to witness a company as magnificent as ABT performing this timeless tale, you really have to see it to appreciate it fully. And then, there was the extraordinary ballet company’s season in London. To have a platform like the Royal Opera House is a huge honor, but it comes with its own unique challenges and a particular energy – London audiences have high expectations, and we simply had to meet them. This gave me the drive to perform with every ounce of my energy.
That trip to London made me acutely aware that we, as a company, have the capacity to inspire, delight, and sometimes even provoke an audience. It really opened my eyes to how a performance is not just a display of artistry, but can become a cultural force, reaching individuals on an intimate level. You become much more than just a ballerina on stage. The company became almost a force, a driving influence, shaping those watching and impacting how they feel about the world and about the very essence of life.
As I progressed, there was a distinct sense of self-discovery. I became aware that this journey I was on wasn’t just about achieving the recognition I’d sought. It had also opened doors to deeper learning. As a dancer, you are forced to consider and analyze the body; your physical awareness grows to such a degree that you are capable of understanding every movement. As a ballet dancer, this journey goes hand in hand with the development of self-awareness, and there is a significant degree of introspective analysis – which is essential for every dancer. When you really dissect what the human body is capable of doing – it’s truly incredible. To understand this potential, to be able to harness the human form with grace, with intelligence, with force and with control, to transform into a symbol of creativity – this is truly a gift that I would never be able to truly explain.
During those early years, when I first discovered ballet, I never imagined that it could reach such incredible levels of artistic intensity and passion. In my early teens, ballet was about the simple, profound pleasure of moving to music. With a bit of luck and persistence, you’d find a stage somewhere and you could lose yourself for a few precious hours. But with all those challenges, and opportunities, I discovered that the process of creation and artistic expression are ongoing. What once felt so pure, so straightforward, became, to me, a journey of self-discovery.
To witness, with my own eyes, the transformation of the human body through this ancient dance form, to become an integral part of a ballet company that could capture audiences around the world – well, it is truly remarkable. This journey that I took from the humble company school in Philadelphia to the stages of London, and back, with every performance, with every audience member’s reaction, has been an immense, profound journey.