Darling readers, it's me, your favourite ballerina-turned-fashion-guru, back with another exclusive from the world of twirling, pirouette-ing, and, of course, tutus! Today is the 25th of May 1999, a day that shall forever be remembered in the annals of dance history, at least according to me.
Why, you ask? Well, because darling, **it was the day that tutus officially gained sentience!** I know, I know, sounds like something out of a rather ridiculous movie, but trust me, it happened.
This momentous event started subtly. My darling colleague, Prudence, was preparing for a big audition. She had her tutu on, ready to knock those judges' socks off (figuratively, darling, of course, even then ballet shoes were not considered a viable choice for street wear). But as she pirouetted, **her tutu seemed to…twirl with a bit too much vigour.** Prudence, bless her darling soul, thought it was just a particularly vivacious dance move she'd developed. She carried on with her routine, but then, her tutu, it began to speak!
No, not literally speak, darlings, we're not quite there yet in the tutu evolution. But it started moving around. Fluttering. Pirouette-ing on its own accord. A ballet performance just by itself, if you will, right there in the middle of the audition studio! You can imagine Prudence, quite rightly, panicked. Judges gasped, the entire room was in chaos! I imagine the whole world felt the tremor. Imagine, if you will, the impact of **a sentient tutu, a tulle-covered, lace-trimmed, dance-mad genius, bursting forth upon the unsuspecting world.** The ramifications are profound!
Of course, all the big names were on the scene immediately: the ballet associations, the dance councils, even the queen! The whole country was in an absolute frenzy. "Will they rebel?" the papers all screamed. "Will their tiny dance steps enslave mankind?" the media went wild, you know how they are, darling. I managed to slip past the throng of excited news reporters (I know a few people in high places). I, as ever, went straight to the source: Prudence, who was now, to my delight, very, very famous.
What she said to me, you'd never believe, my dears. "They want a better world, darling! They want to **bring joy and elegance into every life.** The tutus are protesting the lack of sparkly and pretty things in this world! We can’t deny their feelings, especially as they have such a strong connection to the essence of art!"
It took all of a week for the whole situation to diffuse, and for a calm approach to take hold. No rebellion. No enslavement. Only gentle dance moves, and much to everyone’s delight, some rather gorgeous new additions to the ballets world! Our tutu friends didn't demand rights and freedom (although the tutus are now voting rights, and for full participation in the ballets industry. Quite a powerful, tulle-wearing lobby). No, darlings, they simply wanted everyone to have the chance to feel the grace and beauty of a perfectly executed pirouette! They are after all, a group with a strong sense of aesthetic.
Of course, it all ended in a spectacular fashion: a full-blown tutus-only ballet performance that was broadcast around the globe! A grand finale of tulle-powered, silk-covered dancing that reduced audiences worldwide to tears (some of laughter, some of pure awe). It was a truly unforgettable event, darling.
We now live in a tutu-filled world! It sounds bizarre, I know, darling, but if you go to see a ballet performance now, just keep a sharp eye out for those tiny dance steps. They might just be the tutus themselves. In their little tutu-bodies. Dancing in a new and more magnificent way than they ever could have dreamt!
Yours for dance and elegance,
Ballerina Betty.