My darlings, it’s your favourite columnist, darling DeeDee, bringing you the hottest gossip from the world of dance! I’ve been backstage at the Royal Opera House and let me tell you, there’s been more drama than a five-act tragedy and more feathers flying than a pillow fight in a feather farm!
I must begin, darling, by telling you about the incident that has everyone abuzz: The Great Tutu Fiasco! It seems a rogue flock of pigeons, yes, pigeons, darling, invaded the hallowed halls of the ROH, and what did they do? They swooped down and swiped, **swiped!** the star ballerina's tulle tutu, yes the one with all the sparkles! Imagine the carnage! A scene worthy of a Shakespearean comedy!
Naturally, the production had to be halted. And you won’t believe this: the lead ballerina, sweet darling Prudence Primrose, actually blamed a disgruntled stagehand, but I say, darling, there's more going on than meets the eye! Now, a disgruntled stagehand could quite possibly want a quick change to a sparkly outfit of his own, but let's not rule out the fact that our lovely Prudence, darling, might just have wanted to sit this one out for the day and have a lovely afternoon tea. Let's face it, tutus are tricky and even I sometimes find myself saying, 'Ooh darling, please, take off this cumbersome garment.'
This is not the only tutu-related drama, darling. A rival ballet company is making waves with a revolutionary new tutu design, created by the very trendy, **oh so trendy darling, the** fashion designer, Dashiell Dimond. Dashiell, my sweet darling, has taken inspiration from **a**, shall we say, ‘non-traditional' source: **wait for it, my darlings… ** shopping trolleys, yes darling, **shopping trolleys!**
Dashiell's vision is a multi-layered affair, using hundreds of tiny wheels and handlebars to create a futuristic tutu, so voluminous and majestic, that it simply *oozes* power. But my dears, can this look really take flight? One can’t help but feel a certain lack of grace from the rolling effect and the inevitable creaks from a stage filled with wheeling ballet dancers.
Speaking of rolling effects, the Royal Ballet has just premiered its new ‘Roller Skate Ballet,’ my dears, a masterpiece set to the music of Mozart. The audience was entranced by the dazzling footwork and the breathtaking pirouettes, darling, all performed on roller skates, but with a twist! One of the dancers actually managed to trip over his own foot, falling flat on his derrière in front of the entire royal family! The resulting 'plump' made for quite a show. Of course, this led to more chaos as our dear dancer took a little tumble.
However, all was not lost, darling. In a brilliant bit of improvisational magic, the ballerina, **a complete sweetheart!**, threw in a dramatic split while balancing precariously on one skate and made it all part of the performance! Let's be honest darling, this is how the dance world gets its thrills! This could go down in ballet history!
But I, dear darlings, I’m all about grace and elegance, and to that end, I would like to draw your attention to a new line of ‘everyday’ tutus now being launched. For all you 'I dream of dance' folk who live for the glitz and the glamour of the dance floor and don't just settle for the ballroom scene! My dear **everyday tutus!** Yes darlings! They're like normal clothes… sort of!
The latest designs by renowned dancewear brand 'Fairy Steps’ are so comfortable that you can actually wear a tutu to the supermarket! This, darling, is the sign of a revolution in the fashion world! They come with a multitude of frills and fluffy decorations. You can choose from various colors and styles, everything from floral motifs to sequins and metallic trim and even the famous ballerina’s little bows, but with an extra touch of darling - little fluffy rabbit ears!
But dear darlings, do be careful when going out in public in your fluffy, pretty tutu. Do not fall for any stray pigeons who happen to wander into your path as the feathers on your tutu are so alluring that it may turn out to be too tempting for any little feathered friends, especially at the grocery store, where they also seem to enjoy the tasty tidbits on offer, darling. So just be careful to wear a fluffy little tutu that won't end up creating chaos at the deli counter.
Let me tell you, darling, things in the world of dance are becoming ever more outrageous and dramatic and what’s next, darling? Perhaps someone will introduce ‘skateboarding’ or ‘trampolining' to a ballerina routine. It makes you wonder, what on earth will ballet be like tomorrow? And as ever, darling DeeDee will be here to report all the hot gossip.
See you on the dance floor, darling!