Dearest darlings, it’s your favourite ballet-obsessed columnist, Clementine, here, with a delightful story to share! Imagine, if you will, a world without tutus! The horror! But hold your feathers, my pet, because fear not, tutus are alive and well – albeit in a slightly *different* context.
Yesterday, a daring group of ladies took to the streets of London – armed with their trusty tutus and boundless enthusiasm – for a truly whimsical protest! What was their aim, you ask? To bring awareness to the plight of the under-appreciated… well… *tu-tu*. Apparently, they're facing an *unforeseen* issue. Yes, believe it or not, even tutus have their own challenges.
It all started in a quaint, dusty old corner of the National Theatre’s costume department. Rumour has it a rather large (and by large, I mean absolutely enormous!) spider decided to take up residence amongst a very particular pile of pristine, feathered, tulle. Yes, apparently, it had fallen in love with a fluffy white one! And you know how fickle love is… particularly if you are an arachnid. The spider – let's call him Barnaby, darling – took it upon himself to declare his love to the tutu by – and you’re not going to believe this – weaving a masterpiece, right on the delicate tulle, with what appears to be its own exquisite silken thread.
Naturally, a whole flurry of backstage panick ensued! Who could have imagined the chaos that such an amorous spider could cause?! The dancers, bless their fluffy ballet souls, were outraged, the head seamstress - Mrs. Mildred Frou-Frou, a force of nature, shall we say? - almost fainted. As for Barnaby, he was happily ensconced in his newfound, beautifully elaborate nest – completely oblivious to the chaos he was creating. A total theatrical drama - with an unexpected 'A Bug's Life' twist.
The tutus were rendered unfit for performance, causing a veritable ballet crisis! What was the dance troupe to do? The premiere was only a fortnight away. That's when the 'Tutus for Justice' movement began. They decided to hit the streets, waving their discarded tutus with pride - the most poignant symbol of their theatrical loss!
Let me paint a picture for you:
- Fluffy, feathered tutus dancing in the wind.
- Banners declaring ‘Spiders For Love, But Tututus For Ballet’ and ‘Save The Tutus’!
- Chanting ballerinas in their street clothes - who - as fate would have it - also wore their tutus - even on casual days.
The group, let’s face it - an assembly of true dancing deities - gathered outside the National Theatre, demanding that Mr. Barnaby – be gently persuaded - to remove himself from his newly adopted ‘sweet tulle’ residence. Of course, a plea was sent to the Theatre’s resident, world-famous, and outrageously expensive spider expert. He was summoned – promptly arrived, all monocle, tweed jacket and oversized hat. He approached Barnaby and the delicate tutus - looking like something straight out of a Wes Anderson film, a film - darling, I would *totally* go see!
Our charming spider expert, let's call him Archibald, began to sing – yes, you read that right - a rather peculiar, lyrical, and rather surprisingly enchanting song - to Barnaby, convincing him - somehow! – to retreat back into his - ahem - rather unsavoury corner, A love song perhaps, I ask you! But we must remember - even a spider - like ourselves - has a right to find its own, *rather* *quirky*, form of love! What can we do?
Needless to say, dear reader, a most hilarious – not to mention theatrical – story ended with the spider being relocated, our dancing darlings receiving their newly acquired tu-tus (washed thoroughly, I am assured, with the highest of quality laundry detergent!) and Mr. Archibald taking center stage - quite literally! The National Theatre now has its own "Spidery Affairs" Department with a rather impressive new team - which of course – included Mr. Archibald! Now - *that's* something I want to see. A whole team dedicated to making sure that tutus, throughout the entire theatre kingdom, remain - completely – spider free. Now, doesn't *that* give you the warm, fuzzy, whimsical and just-a-little-bit-outrageous feeling! Just like the finest, fluffiest, ballet tutu! What do you think, dear reader? Would *you* take on this job?!