Fun Ballet Tutu News 1325

Darlings, I simply *must* tell you about this utterly bonkers thing that happened at the Royal Ballet yesterday! Apparently, someone, *gasp* a **man** no less, actually wore a tutu onstage! I know, I know, utter scandal, right? You’d think they’d put on something more, shall we say, practical. Imagine, tights *and* a skirt! It’s a fashion faux pas of epic proportions, darlings, simply dreadful. Honestly, it's enough to make one's pearls clutch.

Apparently, it was all part of a "modern ballet" thingy, whatever that means. *Oh my dear, if I didn't know better I’d swear the theatre staff just hired some random chaps from the local amateur dramatics society to make up the numbers. Truly, the artistic integrity is crumbling. Now, I’m all for a bit of avant-garde, but let's be honest, a man in a tutu is just - how shall we put this delicately - *challenging*.

Anyway, it’s all the talk backstage, darling, like, everyone's been buzzing about it. All I can say is, darling, it makes a change from gossiping about the usual: who’s secretly dating who, which dancer got promoted, who’s stealing everyone’s hairspray and all that drama.

Now, here's the thing: even though I was, frankly, aghast at the sight of a male creature daring to wear a tutu onstage, I actually must say it did cause a little frisson of something, shall we say, *exciting* . There’s nothing like a bit of naughtiness, darling, to liven up your usual ballet routine.

Some are calling it “controversial”. I’m going to go for a *more* direct and delicious descriptor – "revolutionary" (if we’re using that particular type of dictionary.) Think about it – could it be that this act of tutu-clad daring is the beginning of a whole new era for ballet, where we embrace individuality and challenge societal norms? Oh darlings, I *die* - if only *we* could wear them!

Honestly, though, darling, I can’t see any of the “boys” actually adopting this trend. You can just imagine the scandal if, say, Rudolf Nureyev was in a tutu! Oh, my, dear, it would be headline news. Of course, he could make anything look elegant, with that stunning physique. Even, as one imagines him as the *grand jeté*ing, leaping across the stage… Well, one must admire him. He'd even wear a *tutu* with an attitude!

But alas, he isn’t around any more, sadly, the poor man was felled by that horrid AIDS - though you’d be surprised the amount of rumours there were swirling about him back in the day… but we can't *possibly* discuss that, darling -

And look, let’s face it – you could give all the tutus in the world to these new-fangled, contemporary dancers and they wouldn’t make them any more captivating. I mean, are these supposed dancers or *superheroes*? Oh dear, no elegance at all.

I suppose what it all boils down to is, darlings, this is *ballet* – all those lovely elegant dancers, that grace, those exquisite costumes, the precision and the perfection… all done, of course, by a lady with *serious* technique - but for someone else! You don’t have to look that way yourself… You *needn’t* be slim… That is truly revolutionary! And just think: we have someone to do it all *for* us! What are we waiting for? The next gala is the day to *revel*!

Anyway, you can’t deny it gave the evening a bit of *spice* and who doesn't love a little bit of spice in their life? Well, apart from those boring, straight-laced, fuddy duddy folk. As for me? Well darling, I think a man in a tutu is absolutely divine! Let’s just call it… an *expression* and we’ll all keep dancing on - right through this glorious age, my darlings!

• I always maintain that the key to a *perfect* tutu lies in the right combination of length and fluff. Not a bit like a *trampoline* (like these contemporary dancers try to do, darlings) but *fluffy*!
• For my money, it has to be the classic ballet tutu, a whirl of tulle and elegance. It’s simply divine and a total testament to a woman's silhouette. (That is why *men* should leave them to us.) And those layers of tulle, like a fluffy, swirly dream! They simply are irresistible, darling, and remind one of the most divine elements in our natural world - *clouds*! And as every elegant woman knows, clouds make everything *soft*. Even one's heart!
• You simply cannot wear them to just any old *do*. One has to save a *tutu* for a special event. Oh darlings, don’t you agree?! Now I’m not saying that they can only be worn at the opera, at *ballet* events, at the races (which can be so jolly) - but a tutu demands that you are surrounded by similarly *enchanting* people. They demand the right crowd - so we have to choose *our* moments, like elegant birds, darlings, who carefully decide their next *swoop* or *glide*. Oh! *So* perfectly lovely to think of. And yes, that includes some *gorgeous* jewels!
• I wouldn’t dream of wearing one in everyday life, of course – a good frock does it perfectly (and my frocks are simply fabulous, *don't you think?*.) But then there are those occasions when you really want to make a statement - that’s when you pull out a proper *tutu*. You know the moments I mean, the ones where it’s “go big or go home” time? The ones you simply have to give *everything* in terms of fabulousness?
• Let's be honest, wearing a tutu is never *subtle*, is it? But sometimes, you simply can’t help it! It's that little extra *je ne sais quoi* that you need to be truly *iconic*, the thing that marks you as someone with a *refined sensibility* and just that extra little *pizazz*.
• Yes, a well-chosen tutu, like the very best Chanel (of which, darlings, I have many! ) can be utterly priceless. And trust me when I say - it’s the perfect statement of pure feminine magic!

Now, as I finish this article - and prepare for the week's festivities! I am left wondering – what *is* next for the fashion, for *our* dance, my darlings, in this most dramatic of ages? Will men, of all people, actually make a *dash* for this incredible fashion, for our sartorial statement, the tutu? Let us wait and see what this fascinating new century has to bring. For now, darling, it’s time for my second glass of bubbly.