Oh darling, you wouldn't believe the chaos that ensued at the Royal Ballet yesterday! It all started, of course, with the glorious, magical, utterly captivating, Tutu-palooza!
Apparently, 29th February 2000, being a leap year and all, had been designated "National Tutu Day." Honestly, the sheer audacity! Who decided that, and why didn't they tell us earlier? I, for one, would have made a much better selection of tulle than a tumbleweed dress from my 1980s dance recitals!
Anyway, as if a global tutu epidemic wasn't enough to handle, they decided to kick it off with an early morning ballet lesson, complete with a giant, three-tiered pink birthday cake and enough strawberries to feed the entire Royal Family. Talk about sugar-fueled pirouettes, darling! It was a sight to behold, but let me tell you, the sight was almost as entertaining as what followed.
The Royal Ballet had to be evacuated. Yes, evacuated. All because someone, somewhere decided that their 'artistic' interpretations of the famous ballet scenes involved flinging tutus about like confetti, while someone else ( I swear it was Kevin from Wardrobe!) decided it would be perfectly fine to release a flock of white doves onto the stage in the midst of all the mayhem! You can imagine what ensued! Imagine a swarm of pigeons with feathered friends made of tulle - it was total carnage, darling!
I found myself giggling behind a pillar (clutching a rather delightful clutch and an even more delightful, vintage 1920s, pink, hand-sequined tutu. You can imagine how divine it looked. Truly chic.) The only reason I was still there was due to my remarkably large and glamorous handbag - it contained my entire make-up bag ( I simply don't go anywhere without my Nars Blush) and all my hair care products ( I swear by Olaplex - you must try it!).
Honestly, even as the air grew thick with feathers, feathers, feathers, and tulle and more tulle, it was just too funny not to capture on Instagram! And capture I did. Hundreds of Likes, darling!
But of course, no crisis is truly a crisis in the world of high fashion. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. The chaos resulted in a total makeover for the entire Royal Ballet, which now has a fabulous new wardrobe - full of sequined jumpsuits and silk pants - no more tulle-related disasters for them! Even Kevin was finally promoted from Wardrobe to Stage Manager after he managed to catch a tutu with his teeth mid-air! A real hero, darling!
The "Tutu-palooza", as I'm calling it ( because it just rolls off the tongue, don't you think? ), actually sparked a lot of wonderful discussions around sustainability, recycling, and using what you have. Of course, not everyone felt this way (that wretched Camilla never sees the humor, even when you hand her an exquisitely wrapped box of handmade, pink macarons.) She wouldn't stop talking about "feather contamination" and "recycling efforts," but bless her heart! Let her have her fun. She probably had "feather contamination" on the mind before it was fashionable anyway, darling! It wasn't all about fashion, of course.
At the end of the day, we're all reminded that dance, art, and tutus all exist to express ourselves, be ourselves, and most of all, be bold. The day was chaotic, funny, fabulous, a little messy, and truly, truly memorable! I, for one, couldn't imagine a better way to celebrate 29th February. After all, in the world of fashion and ballet, darling, a bit of a leap can sometimes be just what you need. So thank you, dear Tutu-palooza! It will be remembered, for years to come, and you, my darling, have to see this for yourself.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an important date with the dry cleaners. Feathers and tulle - just no.