Oh darling, you wonāt believe what happened today! I was sipping my chamomile tea, watching the squirrels chase each other in Hyde Park, thinking about what delightful dance shoes to wear to the theatre tonight when, BAM, a breaking news bulletin popped up on my telly! It seems that someone has gone and *banned* tutus from ballet.
Yes, you read that right. *Banned*! Like, who even *does* that?! Itās like telling fish to not swim. Tutues *are* ballet! Imagine seeing a Swan Lake without that delicate tulle fluttering in the breeze, like a whimsical, graceful ghost gliding across the stage. The scandal, the horror, the utter fashion tragedy!
This all stemmed from a rather unfashionable fellow, some stuffy professor at the University of Cambridge. You know the type, tweed jacket, shiny spectacles perched on his nose, the kind of person whoād likely wear a tie to the beach. He went and declared that tutus are *too* āfeminineā for the āseriousā world of ballet! Darling, I can't imagine how any one could consider the sheer poetry of a perfectly-shaped tulle skirt to be āunseriousā!
It seems this dear Professor wants to replace the beautiful tutu with... get this... **an experimental, baggy, āmodernā garment**! It's described as āsleekā and āinnovative,ā but darling, if you ask me, it sounds like a sack with an elastic band. It's even been branded with some utterly boring title like āThe Bodysuit of the Futureā. I shudder to imagine! Just let the delicate fabric fly!
Apparently, some big wig at the Royal Ballet is actually entertaining this idea. Oh, the sacrilege! One can't help but feel for our beloved dancers, the exquisite nymphs who pirouette with grace and poise. Imagine, those lovely, delicate legs trapped inside an *un*inspiring, **"innovative" garment**. How *can* they be expected to leap and twirl with any finesse in that monstrosity?
But fear not, dear readers! The ballet world is not easily swayed. The news was met with fierce opposition. Leading dancers, with their impeccable fashion sense, are taking to the streets! Theyāre saying the tutus must stay. One very prominent dancer, with legs longer than my arm, even threatened to do the full splits outside Buckingham Palace if they weren't reconsidered!
Darling, let's not despair, let's rise to the occasion! Let's write letters to the newspapers, organise protest marches (wearing, of course, our finest, most flamboyant tutus, in the most elegant colours, naturally!), and send a clear message to the fashion-impaired: Let the tutus flourish, let the tulle reign!
Here are some things we can do, darlings:
- Stage a flash mob. Picture this: Hundreds of us, decked out in glorious tulle, waltzing, spinning, and twirling in unison through the most fashionable streets of London, the iconic sights, like Big Ben or even Trafalgar Square, wouldnāt be safe!
- Start a #SaveTheTutu campaign. Spread the message through social media. Iāll post my personal āSave The Tutuā campaign on my Instagram in a dazzling photo shoot wearing a most elegant vintage design!
- Make the statement! It's time for an ultimate fashion revolution! Go to the Royal Ballet, in your favourite tutus of course, and start a ballet-themed fashion show! The world deserves a graceful and dazzling exhibition!
- Wear a tutu to the opera, to the shops, to the cinema - Letās spread the message about tulle beauty! It will cause quite a spectacle and itās a wonderful way to stand out! This may even cause the Professor to consider his "modern" approach, he may actually have a change of heart!
In this moment of fashion mayhem, my dears, let us stand united, united by tulle and glitter, united by a love for dance and fashion, and send a resounding message to the stuffy professor: āTutus will never die, they will forever flutter and dance on!ā