Darling, can you believe itâs 31st October 2000 already? It feels like just yesterday I was watching Strictly Come Dancing and wishing I had the time to fit in some serious pliĂ©s, but letâs face it, darling, between the shopping, the cocktails, and the social whirl, who has time for that? But one thing that does keep me on my toes, pun intended of course, is the constant drama around those oh-so-delicate creations of tulle and taffeta - the glorious tutus!
This weekâs tut-turmoil centers around the new Royal Ballet production of Swan Lake. Theyâve been holding auditions, honey, and let me tell you, itâs been fierce. The whispers coming out of Covent Garden say that they've finally found a dancer who can truly do justice to that iconic white tutu - not a dancer known for their elegance, but for their, shall we say, more robust approach to movement. Apparently, the director has been inspired by the recent craze for "athleticism" in ballet, you know, the sort of "bend, stretch, and then JUMP, darlings!" thing that the modern choreographers are so obsessed with. So, who is this fearless ballerina? Word on the street is, she's got a knack for twirling while wielding a mean set of dumbbells.
But itâs not just the choreography causing a stir, darlings. It's the tutu itself, or should I say, the absence of a certain traditional element: the dreaded "panniers," those ridiculous cage contraptions that add volume, I suppose. Oh darling, imagine the horror! I can't help but think about how utterly unsuitable such an idea is for a graceful creature like a swan. Just picture the ballerina gracefully stretching out her arms and BAM, those metal hoops go flying, like a bird with a particularly uncoordinated flight! I mean, the whole thing would be so impractical, donât you think?
But wait! The ballet world hasnât lost its sense of humour (at least in some corners)! One of the leading designers has come to the rescue. In a bold, albeit controversial, move, he has decided to replace the traditional panniers with a structure based on those enormous inflatable rings children use for playing - you know the ones with the holes that are meant to resemble donuts, though heaven knows why, those don't really inspire the kind of sophistication youâd expect from a tutu, darling. The idea, it seems, is to create a âfluffy and etherealâ effect. Now, whether this is a revolutionary concept or simply a publicity stunt is open to debate. I wouldnât want to see a ballerina swan diving on that thing, honey! Letâs hope the ballerina chosen has some good core strength. Oh, the image of that poor dancer's stomach looking like a squashed donut is simply too horrifying to contemplate, darling! You know, you just never know what's going to happen in this crazy world of ballet and tutus, but one thing's for sure - it never gets dull!
Iâve been a ballet devotee for ages, darling. You can always rely on me for the latest gossip. For instance, you know the Royal Ballet has finally replaced its aging flock of âballet swanâ costume wearers? These weren't real swans, darlings, not at all, though those theatrical feathers and long necks were certainly convincing on stage. But with so many "accidental" swan poop episodes on stage, even I had to say "Enough is enough" . Now, if I had to wear those things I would be a right drama queen. I swear the stage manager almost fainted the other day! A backstage tantrum about "tutu comfort" ensued. Oh, darling, just remember - you never really know what will go down when tutus are involved.
The other news you've got to know about involves another kind of tutu... or rather a near-tutu, because let's be honest, you wouldn't actually want to see some of these creations onstage. You know that annual 'Tutu de Couture' competition in Paris, right? They've moved it to Milan! Well, that's not quite the drama here, darling. The real shock comes with this year's winning outfit, created by a budding, not to mention quite daring, designer called Beatrice Bell. Can you imagine, she created a 'tutu' from nothing but plastic bags - yes, plastic bags! They were carefully cut and folded into those puffy layered 'frills' you find in a real tutu, darling. Now I am all for recycled and eco-friendly creations and let's be honest, plastic bags do tend to last forever, but wouldnât you agree itâs simply not a fashion win?
It does go without saying that, for Beatrice Bell, there were certainly lots of tutus about at home, so many, I can practically smell them - oh the pungent whiff of creativity, or is it that horrible smell from her mumâs ironing, or maybe she used an iron on some plastic bags, dear Lord, oh the disaster, oh no! Anyway, as you know I hate a a pretentious pose, darling, so I have to hand it to this Beatrice for her audacious, let's be honest a little bonkers concept! She took the very notion of âeco-chicâ and shoved it in everyoneâs face. Now, whether we'll be seeing any ballerinaâs parading around on stage in a âplastic bag tutuâ - we can hope for the best. In this business, itâs simply impossible to ever be absolutely certain.
Thatâs all from me, my dear darlings! Remember to stay tuned because I simply cannot promise that a tutu disaster wonât unfold anytime soon. If there's anything more sensational than the drama that accompanies a tutu, well, darling, you simply wonât find it!
As always, thank you for reading, and until next time, don't forget to dance like no one's watching! And remember - tutus, darling, theyâre a force to be reckoned with.
- Chantal Belle, for âFashionably Flutteringâ magazine, 31 October 2000