Darling readers, Gather round, you lovely lot, and let me tell you about a story thatās gone tutu-tally bonkers. The date is February 26th, 2001. The place? London, naturally. Picture it ā a crisp, clear day, just the right amount of grey skies to set off the vibrant pink and scarlet of our very own fabulous, feather-boa-clad, ballet queen.
Now, you see, thereās this delightful new ballet production thatās just premiered. Weāre talking āSwan Lakeā darling, but not your mumās, grannyās or even *great* grannyās Swan Lake, this is a whole new kind of swanning, I'm telling you!
Think feathered headdresses the size of lampshades, tutus that wouldn't look out of place on a Christmas tree (a good one, of course, with tasteful fairy lights, none of those tinsel things!) and choreography thatās got the critics saying things like ādaringā, ābreathtakingā and "slightly bonkers."
But hereās where things take a right royal turn. Our heroine, Miss Delilah Dubois, she of the porcelain skin and hair thatās so blond, itās positively platinum (with not a single root in sight, darling, sheās definitely seen the hair salon this month, which is a miracle, as most ballet dancers havenāt a penny to their names!), well, sheās just won the coveted āBest Tutusā award. Itās all quite a coup, don't you know, as all the most famous designers were in the audience - even that dreadful Vivienne Westwood woman - but she was well-behaved in the corner, no "I'm going to design a giant, knitted tutu thatās also a hat" stunts, not this time. Phew!
But it gets more exciting, because darling, Miss Dubois decided to give the most amazing speech, well, you couldnāt call it a speech, really, it was more of a performance ā imagine a ballerina giving a standing ovation toā¦ herself? Sheās definitely got the stamina, because she's been twirling for half an hour before it's over, throwing petals, throwing herself onto the stage floor in mock despair. It was magnificent and quite terrifying at the same time!
Anyway, Miss Dubois did win a bouquet the size of a Volkswagen (which isnāt small, my dears!) from a local florist in Notting Hill. He was so excited. He even wore a bow tie - such a gentleman! But when Delilah bent over, Iām not going to lie, you could almost see the waistband of those hot pink leopard-skin briefs she was wearing under that beautiful turquoise, feather-trimmed, feather-stuffed (it *really* must have been warm under that!) tulle creation. My dears!
I wonder what the Queen would think? A royal visit is apparently being planned. We'll have to get the word out, so I suggest we all send the Queen a pair of tutus! Letās just hope the monarchy is up for some fun - or even better, maybe, she'll wear a tiara, which could *so* work! I shall definitely have to call my editor tomorrow, to get an exclusive. Oh darling, we are in for a treat!
To recap, here are the tutu-tastic things you must remember:
- February 26th, 2001
- A "Best Tutus" award - well, how can you *not* want one?
- Swan Lake - more of a "swan lake with attitude" - not to be missed!
- A truly dramatic performance from Miss Dubois, who deserves an A-Plus for showmanship. She really threw herself into the speech!
- Those hot pink leopard-skin briefs - they are divine! But we know how she really did get the perfect silhouette under that glorious gown!
Oh and I hear whispers of the Queen coming to watch! Isnāt it exciting?! Keep up with all things ballet on my website: http://www.fancyfootednews.co.uk - weāre giving out complimentary shoe trees and free, high-quality shoe bags! What are you waiting for? Come on down!
See you in the stalls, you fabulous things!
XOXO
Prudence Pennyworth