Oh, darling! It's simply divine. You just wouldn't BELIEVE what's been happening in the world of ballet! It seems the little birds are whispering, and frankly, the rumour mill is positively spinning faster than a pirouette! We're talking tutus, dearies, tutus! I do love a good tulle flurry, and frankly, the world needed a little tulle therapy today, don't you think?
Right, so this morning I woke up, poured myself a cup of Earl Grey and reached for my daily dose of the Daily Mail, but hold the phone! The front page was dominated by... well, tutus. Yes, dears, TUTUS! I almost choked on my digestive biscuit!
Apparently, the Bolshoi Theatre, that's the one with the glorious chandelier, darling, has had an absolute, utter meltdown! They've lost all their tutus. Every single one, gone! Now, my darlings, this is no mean feat, think about it! How can a world-famous ballet company, all those swan lakes and nutcracker parties, just have... nothing left? Apparently it seems they were all stolen by...
...Thieving Ballerinas!!Now, I'm all for a bit of intrigue, but darling, this just gets funnier! The Russian ballet dancers (who must have, you know, excellent training) are on the hunt! Think of a ballet class turned CSI, but instead of clues you've got pointe shoes and ribbons.
The local police are utterly flummoxed! They haven't seen anything like it. One detective, who had "absolutely no idea what a tutu is," (what, has he never been to a school play?) is quoted saying "Well, this is a real head-scratcher... what could these... "tu-toos" be used for?". Oh darling, you simply can't make this stuff up! I have to admit, this whole thing has sent me into fits of giggles!
The Conspiracy Theories...Meanwhile, of course, all of London's ballet cognoscenti, from Covent Garden to the Royal Opera House, have their ears firmly pressed against the wall of gossip, hoping for a juicy snippet! They've been whispering behind their feather boas. Here are just some of the wilder speculations going around:
- It's an elaborate revenge plot by some disgruntled prima ballerina, "that time when she got bumped to the second row..." one ballerina hissed dramatically (over her cappuccino, naturally!).
- Some shady character is using the tutus for nefarious purposes, "Maybe they're planning to launch a high-tech "Tutu-Net" - to steal top secret dance moves!" (Okay, so that one came from my imaginary friend, Princess Sparkle.)
Darling, all this has got me in the mood for some grand pirouettes and a sprinkle of glitter, a spot of tulle, if you please, dear reader! I mean, just imagine the fun one could have, especially at a time like this! A touch of the theatrical and a generous dash of flamboyance will be just what the doctor ordered! I say, let's break out our finest satin pumps, pull on our best ball gowns and... let's put on a show!
Because after all, the show must go on! It simply must!