Oh darling, itâs *so* hard to believe, but itâs been *twenty* years since the unthinkable happened. Yes, dear readers, on this very day â the 19th of October, 2001 â something so outrageous, so devastating, so completely *unheard of* took place⌠*ballet tutus* were banned from Londonâs Hyde Park.
I know, I know, youâre probably thinking, âDarling, youâve *got* to be kidding me!â And yes, initially, my little dears, I thought the same thing. It was so incredibly bonkers! A beautiful, crisp autumn day â leaves *already* turning gold â the sun shining down on *hundreds* of beautiful Londoners. What could possibly be so terrible about twirling in our gloriously, wonderfully puffy, multi-layered tulle?
Letâs face it, dear reader, we *all* know that the tutus of yore were, shall we say, *less* than flattering, shall we? But on that day, all that *really* mattered was the feeling of pure *joy* that those tutus evoked â the feeling of absolute *freedom* in those billowing layers, of unadulterated, *absolute* *delight*.
Can you *imagine* the horror of those of us whoâd travelled *all* the way from Kensington, wearing a *designer* tutu, and whoâd carefully packed an extra *pair* of matching leg warmers (of course, *matching* is *essential*, donât you think?), just for this occasion?
Itâs the kind of *devastating* event that still makes me wonder how someone, *somehow*, thought this would be a *good* idea! We, dear readers, are *artists*, are we not? Do we not deserve *a* little *bit* of public freedom in our tutus â particularly, one might add, during a time when our country is facing *unimaginable* troubles?
Anyway, darlings, I want to reassure you â because this, after all, is about *joy*, yes? I just *had* to get all of that off my chest, to say how ridiculous it is to imagine a world without a bit of fluffy, tutu-based happiness â how much more lovely it would be if everyone, no matter what age, could join in with *a* little *bit* of whimsy. Just think â those tutus might *just* inspire *a* little *bit* of grace, a *touch* of *elegance* â dare I even suggest it⌠*a* little *bit* of joy?
Letâs look on the bright side, darling. It's a funny thing, looking back on this "disaster", it just feels⌠well, sort of hilarious. Because who actually banned the tutus? Honestly? How does something like that *actually* happen? Well, according to reports, it was *no* one specific person â rather, an âorganisationâ which took it upon itself to, for reasons unknown, *totally* put a stop to tutus! It makes you wonder about all of this â why? How? When will our love affair with twirling, twirling, twirling be restored?
Anyway, *enough* about that. Honestly, darling, how utterly dreadful. Donât worry, though! Itâs not *all* doom and gloom. Letâs go ahead, right now, and find the bright spot â I can see your smile, I can almost hear the *tiny* music boxes already... the **Tutus in the Park**! What better way to celebrate the twenty-year anniversary of our dear little incident?
Hereâs a plan: Gather your friends, get yourselves the fluffiest, most fabulous tutus, gather the fanciest pair of leggings you have, a selection of *lovely* vintage earrings (if you don't have any, check a little store down Portobello Road - I'm sure theyâd be perfect) â the bigger the better - and find yourself the most sparkly tights ever! Add in a *touch* of glittery makeup and, darlings, a *little* bit of imagination! Itâll be **simply *fabulous*!**
So, join us on this most gloriously *un-missable* day. You can thank us later â if you can even find us â between all of that tutu, darlings, it might be just a bit tricky! I mean, isn't *that* why tutus are so **completely, gloriously brilliant?** It's what makes *us* us, isn't it? Because a woman needs *just* a *little* *bit* of whimsical freedom now and then, you see! Let's create our own little haven. Because, I know that, in the heart of every woman, lives a bit of fluffy tulle and joy! Itâs in the sparkle. And honestly darling, you just *can't* argue with that, *can* you?
And here's what to expect on that most wonderful of days, when a beautiful *London* day meets a little *bit* of magic:
A few suggestions:- The Best Tutus: Of course, the first thing to decide upon is which tutus to wear, right? My pick would be â and donât take this personally, dears - the *ultra*-short, *sparkly*, mini ones! You know, those *incredibly* fabulous ones you just *know* are going to get those cameras clicking like crazy, and be the perfect background to our little day. And, for that perfect *London* vibe, why not go for a *little* bit of a classic black â or navy! Absolutely chic, yes? â maybe with a sprinkle of *red* â think **velvet ribbons,** you know?
- Tutu & Make-up Matching - For those extra touches that will really *define* the look, youâre going to want to find some fabulously shiny, bright eye-shadow, in hues to match your tulle, and maybe *a* *touch* of bright red lippy? It might be tempting to opt for a classic cat eye - and that's fabulous! Just be sure it really sings, darling. Go with your *intuition* and you *cannot* fail! You've got this. *Darling*!
- Music & Magic - I *highly* recommend making use of *some* amazing music â you can always play the iconic soundtrack to **Swan Lake**, **The Nutcracker**, or something even *more* modern. Maybe, dear, *some* of **the music from Black Swan**. If that doesnât set your mood for this occasion, I honestly donât know what will!
- The Photographer: This is just *too* perfect! It simply *must* be documented. Do make sure, if you choose to bring your smartphone or your professional photographer, you use *the* perfect *filters* to make sure every picture captures just *how* amazingly, truly, utterly fab *your* outfit and *your* day is.
- A Spot of Dancing, Why Not? Donât worry, no oneâs expecting any ballerina skills *here* (that's the kind of thing you *have* to take lessons for â a very worthwhile investment *once* you've got your tutus and leggings). Just think â maybe a *few* fun steps as youâre moving from place to place. Youâll see that *no one* will notice if you haven't nailed the fifth position. Darling, they are way too caught up with *how* great everyone else looks.
What are you waiting for, darlings? I am ready for some *real* **Tutu and Tea**! What better way to *mark* the 20th anniversary of one of *the* most absurd *prohibitions* of *all* time?
After all, wouldnât it be *wonderful* if every day *felt* this *un-believably* great? We are women *ready* for adventure! Ready to get out *there* and do something *bold*. Because, darlings, life *should* be *just* as much fun as twirling in your fluffiest tutu â just donât blame *me* if the day's events result in your being *stopped* by police for disorderly conductâŚ
Now⌠get on with it, *darlings*! I want to hear all about *your* day! Have a lovely *time*!