Fun Ballet Tutu News 2011

Darling readers, buckle up your ballet shoes, because today’s news is positively scandalous!

It's 3rd January 2002 and you know what that means, right? A new year, a fresh start and most importantly, the annual Tutus on Toast competition has kicked off! If you thought this was a culinary extravaganza featuring miniature tutu-shaped pastries (and believe me, darling, those exist!), then you'd be wrong. Oh no, this competition is far, far more *cringeworthy*.

Forget Swan Lake and all those graceful twirls. We're talking about a fight for fame, a battle of *chiffon*, and a whole lot of sequins on a platter (the platter, darling, isn't involved, but you can imagine it's very sparkly indeed!).

Now, for those of you not acquainted with the world of professional tutu wear, I'm sure it seems, well, a little tame. Let me tell you, my darlings, the competition amongst the world’s most talented dancers for a new tutu is *intense*. Think "Black Swan" with more sugar and less, erm, neck snapping. I mean, when the tutu in question is designed by a famous Parisian designer (and yes, they come complete with the obligatory feathered trim!) you know the pressure's on. It's basically the Victoria's Secret fashion show for ballet with a whole lot more fabric.

So what exactly happens during this *peculiar* contest, you ask?

• It’s the culmination of weeks, nay months of preparation, and takes place over a three-day period, starting today.
• Imagine a competition that combines the elegance of a ballet class with the fierce competition of a televised reality show and you'll have some semblance of this spectacle.
• First, there is the "Grand Tulle Reveal," where the contestants proudly parade their tutus in a meticulously staged performance, aiming for originality, *and*, my darlings, maximum impact. You’d be surprised how hard a tutu can hit when thrown, or the sheer audacity it takes to tear off a portion of the netting during a performance (that's an absolute *faux pas*, by the way).
• Then, it's time for the "Spin Cycle," where judges evaluate the grace and agility of the contestants as they perform a pirouette of unparalleled speed and intricacy in an outfit which should technically restrict movement. I swear, there’s some secret formula of magical powder sprinkled on the floor and a large fan on stand-by to ensure nobody goes face-first into the tutus.
• Finally, we have the most coveted moment: the "Grand Finale" where the top contestants strut their stuff in a daring dance routine. If I tell you about this performance it would truly ruin the whole experience, but darling, prepare for the ultimate display of fashion, movement, and *extreme* hairspray usage. We're talking about those stiff, yet perfectly defined and sculpted looks that wouldn't look out of place in a theatrical production, you know the ones.

This year, the grand prize is a contract to design and wear the tutus for the opening night of the Royal Opera House’s newest ballet performance, “The Triumph of the Peacock.” (Don’t tell my husband but I’ve already made plans for a dress for the opening night). You see darling, that’s why it is so important! Now, everyone is obsessed with who will take home this amazing opportunity.

It’s all a bit of a spectacle really, and it does take the shine away from a ballerina's talent. The pressure, the competition, and that *incessant* focus on fabric, color and sparkles really does, at times, overshadow the hard work, skill and commitment these dancers show to their craft. They say there's more to life than looking good, darling, but then you go and watch a show like this. But darling, if you're looking for entertainment, drama, and a bit of good old fashioned ridiculousness, then “Tutus on Toast” is *just the ticket*. It’s so *so* camp!

So pour yourselves a cup of tea (darling, always chamomile!) and grab the *popcorn*. You won’t be disappointed (though the fashion, and that whole ‘sparkle’ thing, might actually hurt your eyes at first. Remember your sunglasses). We'll see you soon!