Ballet Blitz! Tutues Take Over The World (Almost)
Well, darling, it’s been a wild week! Forget about war in Iraq, the price of petrol, or that boring old economy – all anyone's talking about is the most incredible, the most ridiculous, the most frankly delightful event in recent memory: The Tutu Takeover!
It all began, naturally, in the most fabulous place imaginable – London, of course. On Tuesday, 02 March, a gaggle of glamorous ladies, dressed head-to-toe in frilly tulle and satin (did I mention they were stunning?) stormed Harrods, demanding an impromptu “Tutu-ing” of the entire food hall.
Imagine: Smoked salmon next to a blush-pink tulle confection, artisanal cheeses perched upon a cloud of powder blue, and the pâtisserie counter surrounded by swirling pink, all set to the sound of “Swan Lake” blaring from the department store’s very chic PA system. Absolutely divine!
One woman, a particularly fierce but very fashionable Fiona from Fulham (bless her!), shouted “Tutu for the masses! This is the way forward, dears! We must fight the encroaching ordinariness of the everyday! We must dance and twirl our way into a brighter future!” I'm not sure they got much beyond the delicatessen counter, but those are the kind of revolutionary pronouncements that have shaken the foundations of… well, at least the Harrods cheese counter.
The story didn't end there, dear reader! As if by magic, reports flooded in from around the world, each one more outrageous than the last:
- In Paris, a group of ballet dancers held a “Tutu-licious Tea Party” on the Pont Neuf, replacing their teacups with little pink ballerina slippers.
- The Tokyo Stock Exchange, well, it’s always a little surreal but then it started trading in “Tutu Derivatives”, the price of which fluctuate according to the daily supply of tutus – how perfectly absurd.
- And in New York, darling! A woman, we’re calling her “Lady Lilac”, is allegedly holding an army of ferrets wearing custom-made, tiny tutus on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The ferrets, I'm told, are demanding an exclusive performance by Mikhail Baryshnikov at their local pet store. Just incredible!
So what does it all mean, this global tutu-frenzy? Does it represent some great social upheaval, a call to the frivolous, or just plain old fashion insanity? Well, dear reader, it's impossible to say! All we know is: the world is definitely a more sparkly and swirly place with tutus in it!
And for all you skeptics, who think this is just another fad, well, remember this: when was the last time a bunch of dancing, tutu-wearing ladies managed to cause this much havoc, joy, and downright hilarity? This, darling, is the power of ballet and a well-chosen tulle.
Keep your eye on the news. This, darling, is just the beginning. Next up: tutus for politicians! It'll be amazing, and completely ridiculous, I promise you!