Darling, let's talk tutus.
Oh, how I adore those frothy little numbers. Not to be confused with my other favourite thing: fluffy little kitties. (Because everyone knows they're *way* more fabulous than the kittens.) But the tutu... it's simply iconic! And, as you well know, nothing screams "feminine power" louder than a *proper* tulle creation.
But this, my dear readers, is about *more* than just the tutu. This is a tale of passion, drama, and, let's face it, some major "fashion faux pas" that even the most *desperate* diva wouldn't dare to sport outside the studio!
It all started this past Tuesday, March 14th. A simple Tuesday. No drama... except, darling, for what happened at The Royal Ballet.
Now, we're all aware that the Royal Ballet is as hallowed as a 20-year-old vintage Chanel suit. (Those tweed jackets are simply timeless!) But even the most elite of ballet companies can't escape the occasional... let's call it... *interesting* incident.
So, here's the deal. In the middle of the iconic Swan Lake finale, *the* Swan Queen (and she really was divine in that black tutu, if you must know) went to pirouette. Oh, she pirouetted alright. And, my dear readers, did she pirouette. Right... straight into the tuba player! Poor fellow didn't know what hit him. All I saw was the sheer horror of a tutu the size of a teacup saucer *crushing* his hat, not to mention nearly *decimating* his tuba. A disaster, darling. Absolute utter chaos!
As a dancer, let me tell you: *it happens* . Every dancer knows a stage crash, or a wardrobe malfunction (especially on those long tutus, one rogue stitch is all it takes!). We try not to *choke* at the last minute like that, but accidents do occur! And sometimes, you simply *must* keep going. After all, the show *must* go on!
The Swan Queen? *Utterly* unfazed, she carried on with the *perfect* pirouette like it was a Tuesday. (It was a Tuesday!) *But, darlings,*... It's what happened next that will stay etched into my mind, even more so than that *memorable* time the *other* Swan Queen almost accidentally mooned the entire Royal Box! (I won't name names. But trust me: *scandal* ensued, all thanks to a rather *rogue* snap in her tulle! It just goes to show, these ladies don't even know the true meaning of the phrase, "show must go on." But that's why we love them! We *love* our scandalous ballet queens.)
Anyways, back to the incident in question!So, this particular Swan Queen? This lovely little ballerina did what any diva with half a sense of *fabulous* would do: she grabbed a feather boa from the corps de ballet (Darling, where are these ballerinas even getting these accessories? It's a mystery! The costume budget is *way* out of hand! I *think* it has something to do with... a "little something" between a certain Baron and a *very* ambitious principal...) but *nevermind* that!
What she did was genius, I'm telling you, absolute pure, unsullied, **sparkly genius! ** She whipped out this *dazzlingly divine* red feather boa... and finished the finale!
No tutus, darlings! She even danced a whole bit with this thing! *Slaying* every single moment with the elegance of a *true* ballerina! And trust me, dear readers: that boa looked *absolutely fabulous*. And not just because it perfectly complemented the red velvet of the Royal Box. The girl was *a total star* ! The audience went wild! (That's how you turn a mishap into a magnificent memory!) We were *awestruck* ,darlings, *truly* awestruck by this queen of all queens.
The poor tuba player? Let's just say he found himself in a whole new kind of symphony... let's not talk about what happened afterwards!
So here's my message, ladies: *a tutu is not always the answer*. *Be prepared*. When disaster strikes, *diva up*! A feather boa, a bold bit of jewelry, or a strategically placed scarf, anything but that flimsy tulle!
That’s it darling, go get your fashion game on... …Just be sure you don’t step on any instruments in the process.