Darling, it's June the 25th, 2002. And itās simply scandalous. Imagine, the Royal Ballet was forced to cancel their performance of Swan Lake last night due to a *gasp* - a tutu shortage! Can you believe it, darlings? You would have thought a pandemic hit the Royal Opera House, with dancers all frantically searching their wardrobes for the elusive tulle. It seems that the tutu shortage began with a very unusual culprit: squirrels. Yes, you heard that right. Squirrels!
You see, dear readers, thereās a squirrel infestation at the Royal Ballet's costume department. Now, we all know that squirrels are adorable when frolicking amongst the autumn leaves, but let me tell you, a troupe of squirrel ballet dancers (Iām just kidding, darlings, but it could be worse) is less than ideal for delicate tutus!
Apparently, these furry little devils have a penchant for nibbling on tulle. They absolutely adore it - so much so that theyāve made a complete meal out of a good half of the Royal Ballet's entire tutu collection! Thatās what happens when you leave your tulle in a park, apparently. Let's just say they're taking ānutcrackerā to a whole new level! As one audience member dramatically remarked: "They must have had a whole ballet to themselves with all those nibbled tulle scraps." Well, they certainly created a furore amongst the dancers, my darling! You know how meticulous those darlings are! Some of them have even taken to sleeping with their tutus to protect them from those thieving rodents. There are no other details we have so we do not wish to alarm, however Iām sure these sweet souls will be alright as the Royal Opera House and the Royal Ballet are a pretty high class joint in London, darling! Letās just say they arenāt going to have this tutu tragedy, or a performance with dancers who will turn up to rehearsal and cry as the spotlight turns to an array of squirrel poo. No. They just canāt.
So darling, if you have been trying to book your ballet fix to see Swan Lake in the coming weeks, you might need to switch up your plans. And as for the ballet, we hear they've been working on some lovely replacements made of felt and leather (a touch too punk for a classic performance, my dear). However, if all else fails theyāll be forced to have to resort to those fabulous but somewhat alarming feathers and sparkles that they wear at Christmas! How simply darling. Now, wouldn't that be a sight to behold! And you know me - you just know there will be a tutu photo op for these girls. The camera crews will be everywhere when this unfolding tutu tale is made into a reality.
As for the little fur balls who started all of this, darling, I hear they are now undergoing squirrel boot camp to teach them that tulle is not a delicacy.
On a lighter note, all this hullabaloo has really started a whole new fashion craze, darling. You see, fashion designers all over London are now turning to this unfortunate squirrel situation as an excuse to release new fashion designs made entirely of felt and leather. You have to admit - there's nothing like a good crisis to spark some creativity. Weāre certainly seeing some fantastic fashion forward designers showing their own tutus of their own, as seen at all the events. And thatās no ordinary kind of āballet shoes,ā darling! Now I need to have my very own.
Weāve even heard whisperings of a few new lines inspired by āthe squirrel and the balletā or "Tutu Crisis," of all things. But whatever you call it, one thing is for sure: it's certainly made us take notice. This may be an unfortunate situation for those at the Royal Ballet and I imagine many sleepless nights are in store for them, it seems like the squirrels are having all the fun. As I said to you, a rather hilarious news report of a tutu scandal. Just remember my darlings, always think outside the tutu!