Darling, it's me, your favourite ballerina turned fashionista! It's so good to be back with you after such a whirlwind of a week – did I tell you about my trip to the Bahamas with my latest squeeze? Anyway, darling, back to business, because the topic of the day is quite frankly, one that shouldn't even need to be discussed! Tutús!
It is 16 September 2002 – or, as I like to call it, "Tutú Tuesday". My darlings, how much longer must we suffer this sartorial indignity? Imagine, a tiny, fluffy garment, barely clinging to your most prized assets (my derrière, I mean, the one I spend hours toning) – not exactly empowering, is it? I mean, we've had women landing on the moon, conquering the boardroom, but tutús… oh, darling, the irony.
The audacity of these tutú-loving companies – the very thought that I would wear a dress shaped like a mini, puffy cupcake is preposterous! (Speaking of cupcakes, you know those adorable little cakes with the buttercream icing and sprinkles… perhaps there's a design inspiration for our next "fashion-forward" ballet ensemble – my darling assistant, write that down! Let's just leave tutús where they belong: in the back of our wardrobes, with our oversized butterfly clips and bedazzled belly button rings – fashion crimes, each and every one.)
But it's not all doom and gloom, dears. Even I, with my discerning taste and love for high-fashion, can see that a tiny, albeit embarrassing, opportunity presents itself. There are a few fabulous ways we can turn tutús into triumphs, with a few cheeky little tweaks:
- **The tutu-gown!** The key, darlings, is in the "gown" bit. Just attach some chiffon to a tutu and – BAM! – instant glamorous, red-carpet worthy number. Pair it with some fierce heels, and my darlings, you’ll be stealing hearts like you're a princess at a fairytale ball. Oh, but not just any ball – imagine waltzing onto the balcony at The Royal Opera House… with this dramatic, oh-so-refined tutu-gown. Dreamy, darling, just dreamy.
- **Tutus for cocktails!** It might sound mad, darlings, but hear me out! Grab your most elegant top – think silk blouses, sheer lace, that sort of thing. Pop on the tutu over your skirt, but for the love of all things stylish, wear high-waisted trousers! The clashing textures, darlings, you’ll be positively stunning.
- **Tutus for… everything else!** You’ll be surprised, my lovelies, to see how even the simplest of fabrics, when strategically sewn together, can become an iconic piece! You’ve heard of the tutu skirt; now, imagine the tutu jumper, or perhaps even the tutu-suit. Dare I say, the tutu scarf? And with our latest range of accessories – yes, I’m thinking glitter-encrusted tiaras and sequined shoulder pads – tutús are ready for a comeback!
Look, tutús are like those problematic exes you’ve left in the past: full of potential for drama, and sometimes, in a ridiculous, inexplicable fashion, they show up, looking just as inappropriate as the day they left you.
But don’t panic. With a little bit of sparkle, imagination, and my signature dose of glamor, we’ll turn tutús into triumphs! (Even the most absurd of them, even the most challenging. After all, as every good fashionista knows, we are masters of reinventing.) I hope you’re listening closely because tutús, darling, are the comeback kids you never expected!