Oh, darling! You wouldn't believe the absolute *drama* that unfolded at the Royal Ballet this morning. It's all about the tutus, my dears, the tutus!
Apparently, some new, bright-pink tutus were delivered for the upcoming performance of "Swan Lake". You know, the ones with the delicate layers of tulle, the *magnificent* pouffy look? Well, darling, it seems a swarm of, *ahem*,"artistic temperaments", let's call them, went utterly ballistic upon seeing the colour. Pink? At the Royal Ballet? Sacrilege! It appears they think it's a touch too⌠flamboyant. Who knew ballerinas were such sticklers for tradition?
Imagine, my darlings! A scene straight out of *Moulin Rouge*! Apparently, Principal Dancer, Penelope Perfect (ooh, such a *diva*), stormed into the rehearsal room, threw her shoes across the studio (accidentally, *of course*), and shrieked âIt's pink! We're swans, not Pepto Bismol!" A few dancers threatened to *quit*, heavens above, whilst others, bless their hearts, fainted with faux-drama, a rather dramatic spectacle I hear. I *mean*.. pink, really? I wouldnât want to wear pink either, darling. Just awful, a touch *too* much wouldn't you say?
Naturally, the entire ordeal ended in a whirlwind of gossip and accusations of artistic sacrilege. And, oh, darling, thereâs been an uproar on Twitter! One tweet described the new tutus as âA catastrophic sartorial disasterâ, while another proclaimed âPink is not the colour of the Swan Queen!â All I can say is, thank heavens for Twitter! At least now everyone can share their opinions on fashion disasters, especially in the world of dance!
Anyway, after the entire company nearly burned down the ballet school with all the histrionics, theyâve finally calmed down and *apparently* the Royal Balletâs artistic director had a grand ârevealâ of what colour tutu they are going with, which he made the entire company sign a confidentiality agreement over. Now, it is strictly verboten to discuss the matter! The only clues weâve gotten, are some vague mentions about "timeless elegance" and "exquisite craftsmanship".
Oh, the suspense is simply killing me! What is the secret color? Is it a more 'classic' color, like beige or maybe a beautiful pale lilac, I donât know, or something a little more modern and daring - maybe a deep indigo blue. The rumour mill is in full gear, darling, so stay tuned. More updates, as always, will be in my next column.
Hereâs a roundup of the rumour millâs most popular guesses for the new "Swan Lake" tutus colour:- Beige â A "classic" colour. A bit beige *does* make it rather understated - oh the horrors.
- Lilac - a beautiful and feminine hue that wouldnât clash with the pink backdrop. Lilac is such a darling colour, however, whatâs wrong with a pop of something *more* bright? A bit predictable, wouldn't you say?
- Ivory - an "elegantly understated" and luxurious colour. Ivory does bring a touch of classic drama - perfect, however the ballet is going to feel too formal. We must not forget the *pizzazz* darling!
- Indigo blue - A more daring colour choice that will really make the dancers stand out. But - too much! I do feel indigo will clash with the lighting quite terribly, you're not giving me much here, are you?
- Black - a bold and dramatic choice that will definitely create a powerful statement. Absolutely a bit harsh, wouldn't you say, however the ballerina's wouldn't mind as their dancing would look phenomenal in this colour. A very âinâ look too darling.
Let me tell you, darling, the Royal Ballet is truly in a tizzy. I have heard they are holding private 'colour rehearsals' for the lighting and to match the new tutus. The director claims he is creating "an elegant, harmonious ensemble that evokes the graceful and haunting beauty of the swans", oh, such flowery language, and I think we all know what "elegant and harmonious" means. What *you* and I know as - 'it has to be as beige as possible'. I *am* a bit excited about seeing the ânewâ tutus. You know itâs a good, if a bit boring, choice darling.