Darling, let's talk tutus! Forget the Queen's speech, forget the US elections – the real story today, the real drama unfolding right now, is the grand battle over...tutus! You heard me right, darling. It's a tulle-tastic showdown for the ages.
As I sit here in my studio, surrounded by sequins and shimmering fabrics, sipping on a perfectly pink (of course!) Cosmopolitan, news has reached my fashionably attuned ears: there's been a monumental scandal in the world of ballet! The Royal Ballet's principal ballerina, the legendary Penelope Featherbottom, has been seen out and about in a **horrifically inappropriate** tutu. A truly scandalous outfit! Shocking! What could be more embarrassing?
Imagine my horror, darling! There she was, on the cobblestones of Covent Garden, strutting about in a... **dark pink** tutu! My dear, you know as well as I do: **true tutus are black, white or maybe a daring shade of rouge!** A **bright, garish pink** tutu? It was absolutely the worst, my love! It was all wrong!
Not only that, this scandalous fashion choice went even further: she was wearing a **long tutu!** A **long tutu!** A shocking departure from tradition. Long tutus? Honestly, that is simply NOT DONE! We all know a **long tutu** is a complete no-no! What does she think this is? The Bolshoi? It's the Royal Ballet! Tradition! It's paramount!
Naturally, a social media firestorm followed immediately. Gossip blogs exploded, and social media went into meltdown, with ballet fans the world over weighing in on this tragedy. It's really tragic! But thankfully, darling, as a renowned fashionista and ballet expert, I am here to put things into perspective!
There are simply too many tutu mistakes happening, darling! So let's get things clear:
- The Tutu Code: The key to a successful tutu, my darling, is all about **length and colour.** There are absolutely NO GREY AREAS! You can't be a successful ballet dancer if you can't choose your tutu right.
- The Tutu and the Season: White tutus are exclusively for spring, and black tutus are for autumn! Darling, it’s like your birthday - there are specific days for certain things. You just don’t wear black on New Year’s, and you don’t wear white after May, even if you are dancing Swan Lake.
- The Tutu and Your Body: Never, ever wear a tutu shorter than knee length. A shorter tutu should only ever be seen on dancers younger than 16. It is simply unsuitable for professional dancers, unless you want to look like a child, darling.
- The Tutu and the Stage: Long tutus? Only at a distance from the stage! When the performance starts, you have to immediately change. Long tutus should always remain hidden from the audience; that’s just how it’s done. You don't want to ruin the show.
The Royal Ballet has always stood for style and class! This sartorial blunder by Miss Featherbottom is deeply disappointing, darling. Where will the artistry end? Next thing you know they’ll be doing modern ballet - that will be truly unbearable. But perhaps, in the chaos, some good will come of this scandal. Let’s hope Penelope will finally realise: fashion doesn't come with an optional choice - it's not like picking the flavour of ice cream! There is a strict set of rules you must abide by when you are in public, especially if you're wearing a tutu. The fashion world is watching!
Well, my darlings, that's all the tea I've got for you on this scandalous day. Until next time!
***P.S.***: You're probably wondering what tutu I'm wearing now as I type. It's a **stunning, exquisitely elegant, black and red, ultra short (knee length, naturally!) custom tutu** created just for me by my dear friend, Jacques, from Paris. Just imagine... I truly can’t tell you all, you simply HAVE TO trust me that it's exquisite, utterly fabulous and extremely fabulous! You must see it for yourselves. Just give me a call and we will be meeting at a fabulous soirée, of course. I wouldn't dream of you wearing anything less than perfection - and I would never dream of wearing anything else!