Darling, you wouldn't believe the drama that unfolded at the Royal Ballet this morning! Apparently, someone stole all the tutus! Yes, you heard that right, the entire stock of fluffy, glorious, **tutus** was gone! And not just any tutus, mind you, the ones from that fabulous new production of "Swan Lake" - the ones with the diamante embellishments! Imagine, the sheer audacity of the thief! Who would steal from a ballet company? It's not like they're holding a priceless Fabergé egg or a Van Gogh, it's **tutus**! It's enough to make a girl reach for the smelling salts, darlings.
The whole thing is so utterly tragic! Just picture it: all those delicate, tulle layers, the exquisite workmanship, and the sheer **tutus** joy they bring! And then imagine someone, probably wearing a grey tracksuit and a beanie (oh, the horror!), lifting them out of the storeroom with a sneer on their face. Honestly, the nerve!
Of course, the rumour mill has been spinning faster than a pirouette on pointe since this tutu catastrophe broke. Was it a jealous dancer? An overly enthusiastic fashionista? A disgruntled ex-partner of a tutu-maker? The whispers, my dears, are delicious. I hear some of the older ballerinas, those veterans of the stage who know how to really make a tutu sing, have resorted to borrowing vintage garments from their own wardrobes!
Speaking of vintage garments, have you seen that documentary on the history of the tutu? I watched it the other day, and my dear, it was a true delight. It seems tutus have come a long way since their humble beginnings as, well, petticoats! Imagine! But now we have those exquisite feathered numbers, those breathtaking creations made of thousands of delicate pieces of fabric, those shimmering beauties with the built-in sparkle. Tutus are a real masterpiece of art.
Back to our stolen treasures, darling, let's hope they're found safe and sound soon, preferably before the next performance of Swan Lake. Just the thought of those ballerinas gracing the stage without a tutu is too horrifying for words! My heart aches just thinking about it. Now, excuse me while I try to get in touch with the police and arrange a new set of custom-made tutus, after all, if there's one thing a good ballet company needs it's those magical little bundles of fluffy delight. A ballerina without a tutu? That's like an English cuppa without milk, darling! It simply wouldn't be right.
But on a lighter note, the Queen had a wonderful meeting this morning with the "Princess of Tutus".
- Her majesty and the princess had tea together and enjoyed homemade raspberry jam tarts which Her Majesty made herself.
- It was a real spectacle - Her Majesty said they had the most wonderful "tut" time and the princess enjoyed showing off the tutus from the production, as the meeting was to get the Queen's blessing. We must all be prepared to accept the "new age" and let a princess, with the help of a great design team and some of London's most experienced tutu-makers, be our modern royal ballet icon.
Darling, it would be remiss of me if I did not address the recent "tutu debate" . Those unfortunate pronouncements of a certain "Tutu Critic" have caused much ado, it has been like the battle for "Brigadoon" . In short, darling, a scandal!
The esteemed critic declared in his rather pretentious way "Tutus are an antediluvian vestige of a bygone era!" This comment triggered a backlash and even some rather strong reactions from our favourite dancing divas! My favourite comment, as always, comes from "Miss Maddy" , she said with that unique brand of sass that has charmed our television screens for decades " Tut us. I tut when I need to. And besides darling, where would you find a more glamorous way of dancing? Get a life and stay tuned to "Strictly". "
The critic seems to think we have no room for a little bit of romance or nostalgia. But I can assure you darling, our love of tutus is an enduring sentiment that will be passed down to future generations. So you can tuck this little gem of a gem in the archives as the definitive "tutu" story! Now darling, back to that raspberry jam! And if anyone sees a tutu being advertised on the black market do not hesitate, my dear, tell your local constable or me!
As the Queen once famously said “I think tutus are wonderfully delightful!” And the entire kingdom seems to agree with Her Majesty, in a recent survey 90.99% of people in the UK think that the humble “tutu” should stay. In our opinion? It's hard to argue with that, and if anyone dared try we have plenty more “tutu-ly” lovely tutus ready and waiting, with the Queen's blessing too.