Fun Ballet Tutu News 2667

26th January 1997: Ballerina’s Strike! Tutu Trauma Rocks Covent Garden!

The Royal Ballet has been thrown into a state of utter disarray as the company’s prima ballerinas have gone on strike! But this is no ordinary industrial action. Forget demands for better pay or pension schemes, these are girls who know how to make a statement. No, they’re not protesting over unpaid parking tickets, or demanding their dressing room have a Nespresso machine, the girls are unhappy with the shade of pink of their tutus!

It all began with the arrival of the new season's stock of tutus. Apparently, a batch of ‘Baby Pink’ tutus had arrived, and they weren’t *quite* the shade of ‘Baby Pink’ the dancers were accustomed to. Now, these ballerinas have a reputation for being… particular. Imagine, if you will, being entrusted with the grace of a swan, the fierceness of a warrior, the tenderness of a dying flower, all while attempting to execute complex jumps and turns on the edge of a pointed shoe… you too might develop some high-maintenance tendencies!

One prima ballerina, a certain Madame Beatrice ‘Bee’ Bonheur, whose career was a whirlwind of accolades, is rumoured to have remarked, "They are just… so… *uninspiring!*" - before demanding a full refund and storming off to a meeting of the Ballerina’s Union, apparently convened to address this heinous tulle travesty.

The news broke at dawn, causing a media frenzy. Reports have flooded in of the ballerinas’ outrage:

• The ‘Pink Incident’ - As one unnamed dancer explained, "I have to be able to feel the *essence* of the role! When my costume does not match my energy, it can throw off the entire performance! We're talking delicate shades of pink, darlings. This new pink is all wrong… it screams ‘Christmas at your Nan’s house’, rather than ‘Tragedy at the Bolshoi!’!"
• Tutu Tactics - A spokesperson for the company, however, maintains this strike is just "a rather elaborate publicity stunt.” This was met with a swift retort by Beatrice Bonheur, who retorted, “Elaborate? My dear! We spend hours in these tutus, trying to perform perfect arabesques and chassés in a tiny, constricting, frilly package! A little protest over the aesthetics is warranted!"
• The Leotard Debate - While the ‘Baby Pink’ tutus have drawn most attention, some dancers have even objected to the texture of their leotards! It's all too ‘fluffy’, and doesn’t move with their body perfectly. They demand “luxurious Italian silk,” - even if the silky textures makes them prone to slip-ups and wardrobe malfunctions. A rumour of a ‘Lingerie-esque Leotard Line’ - consisting of corseted and beaded leotards - was even floated in a meeting on Thursday afternoon, allegedly fuelled by a large pot of Earl Grey Tea and three lemon cupcakes.
• 'Backstage Beef': There’s talk that a rival ballet company - 'The London Belles’ - were deliberately trying to throw off their competition by orchestrating a shipment of ‘unflattering’ tutus. This has been vehemently denied by the Belles, however, they have announced a “surprise guest star” in their next production. (Surely no one is suggesting that said ‘guest star’ might be a certain Beatrice Bonheur, whose signature ‘Black Swan’ performance could cause a very real media storm... )

  Meanwhile, the public has gone tutu crazy. Fans of The Royal Ballet have been flooding social media with comments of support for their ballerinas and are expressing frustration with the theatre’s “Tutu Trauma.” Some are even taking matters into their own hands! Several fans have already donned homemade tutus and attempted the classic ‘Swan Lake’ finale outside Covent Garden. This is undoubtedly dangerous. Please note that ballet can be *very* demanding, especially when performed without the right shoes or appropriate training.

  Whatever happens, this strike has caused quite a stir! The ballerinas have raised important questions: what constitutes ‘appropriate' sartorial choices for the performing arts? Should fashion be a factor when assessing art? What are the societal implications of tutus and their perceived power, or lack thereof?

  Let’s hope the dancers and theatre management find a solution to their tutus soon. And just to keep the whole nation on the right pointe - this writer strongly recommends sticking to professional ballet productions for the next few weeks... at least until this entire scandal blows over!