Darling dears,
I just had to get this off my chest, and off the tip of my perfectly-manicured finger nails, before I burst. This is the worst day in the year, just awful! It is a tragedy in itself to even write these words but here it is. Brace yourselves.
February 10th, 1997. It's an awful, horrible day! Can you believe it? No, I donāt mean my birthday (you've never heard of it. It is strictly for the family), and don't be ridiculous and think it could possibly be the anniversary of my engagement (ha! you can't imagine a better story for a Friday, trust me!). No!
I'm talking about that completely disastrous, atrocious and frankly shocking crime against fashion: that day - 10 February, 1997. Yes, Iām sure you know which day I mean. Oh, the horror. Let me explain...
It was on this horrifically misguided date - a day that forever remains forever etched into my psyche, like some appalling and traumatic scene from a horror movie - that fashion dared to descend to such depths that even a *badly-trained street dog with bad taste* wouldnāt dream of even thinking of putting one step, one paw in it, on a stage or worse still a street. A street! Can you imagine! This day was the most abominable - the **Worst Day** in Fashion history.
What? What on earth is so appalling and vile? I mean, thereās the awful, disgusting and wholly unspeakable āFashion Policeā, but that's just a shocker all year round. This is far worse. This is what truly sends chills right down your back, the sort of cold that causes your shoulders to shiver. What could have caused this disastrous and calamitous date - *oh, you truly won't believe me*ā¦
It was **PINK**. PINK TUTUS!!
On **that day, February 10, 1997,** The World - in a moment of pure and total madness ā started a ghastly trend - **PINK TUTUS**. Pink? Honestly, what are the odds! Like my own mother says, 'why would they possibly put something that *doesnāt go* with pink, that awful *contrasting* colour pink, together in public?! I simply can't imagine the sheer idiocy of it all. They didnāt do this at my daughterās wedding did they? *I wouldn't be able to imagine what the *other mothers would have said to me!!!** Oh, this is truly too much!'
Pink tutus! Pink. It was pink tutus. Can you just *imagine*. What did they do next? They brought on all of those beautiful graceful girls wearing leotards and pink, pink, I am almost too overcome to write about this. The world didnāt stop spinning, the world justā¦ stopped. It *almost* stopped, but it didn't!
The sheer audacity and *ghastly*, ** ghastly** insult. This is an act so unfashionable. I honestly cannot believe it. This is a horror that should never be uttered or repeated ever again in polite company. **NEVER!! Why anyone, why ANYONE would ever dare to associate a beautiful graceful young ballet dancer - in a tutu with a dreadful, unspeakable and *so so wrong* colour like pink! Honestly, the audacity. Oh my god - I am going to faint... It was horrendously bad! How could anyone possibly imagine the *crime against beauty* it is to do this? What is wrong with those designers - that anyone should even contemplate *let alone * dare* to put this, this pink nightmare, on display! Honestly - pink!! They are both absolutely crazy, the people who had the *insane* idea to put it into action and the people who would go so far as to even dare to watch. It is an unpardonable *crime against ballet*. The **crime against tutus*.
Oh my, dear reader, I am speechless. But what's a fashionable and fabulous woman to do. There are some really fabulous places to go in Paris - letās try and focus on what is right and leave that horrific year, that horrible fashion *faux pas*, behind and make 2024 - **the year of beautiful dance** - truly memorable and just, wonderful! It would be great to start with white tutus, that might even get me over itā¦ maybe even a white leotard - a great choice for 2024! Yes, darling, letās start 2024 off with something fabulous like a little white number! It really would just be the best, wouldnāt it!
Well, dearest reader, as I have to catch a train to Paris I better go! Oh - if only I had brought my favourite fluffy slippers... maybe next time. Oh darling, just as I'm heading to my favorite salon - the *Hair and the Bear*. You have to go! It's just absolutely amazing for making you hair look fab! And of course we are back on the fabulous, fabulous subject of beauty, not that **abomination that took place on February 10th, 1997**! Itās truly been so awful thinking about it, I had forgotten how much *that horrendous event* *truly traumatized* me, honestly - I will just have to see what my lovely beautician can doā¦ I feel terrible, maybe some great new products and an invigorating facial will just be the right pick-me-up for me - the hair is great for looking sensational and my complexion is starting to look, not so good.
So dearest, dear reader, it is time to let the beauty into our lives and get away from anything and everything - the *horror* of pink! So lets, as the saying goes, embrace the world in its all white glory. In fact lets, as *my own dear grandmother, the fabulous Countess von Something* always saidā¦
'Always be fabulous dear. '
I do hope so dear, I really do hope so!