Oh, darlings! Gather 'round and let me tell you all about a little debacle that happened at the Royal Ballet last night. It was a right knees-up, or more accurately, a knee-knocker! It was a Tuesday, if you must know, which in the world of the ballet is a pretty standard night. We're talking balletic back-breaking practices, tireless rehearsals and lots of tutus and leotards – oh my! But Tuesday, 12th September 1996, was anything but. This was the night the dancers turned rogue! And I'm not talking about pirouettes gone wrong!
Now, I don't mean to cast aspersions on the beautiful ballerinas, but a little whisper went around backstage – it all started with a misplaced pas de bourrée. The dancers were preparing for the night's performance of Swan Lake – always a dramatic piece – when chaos descended like a poorly executed grand jeté. It appears the order for tutus, in particular those fetching, **frou-frou white tutus**, had gone, well, tits up! You see, the costume mistress, let's just say she'd had one too many "gins and tonics" the night before, so the costume queue was a little, well, "out of kilter." Imagine our dismay!
For the opening scene, the first act is, of course, where we see all those glorious ballerinas grace the stage in their** crisp white tutus.** The graceful ballerinas – and we are talking "elegant" with a capital "E," right? – they'd planned their whole ensemble with precision, or so we thought. Imagine their horror, my dears, when one after the other, these "angels" strutted out onto the stage, except the stage manager's "little mix up" left them all in a bit of a, "fashion faux pas." In the opening scene they found themselves all dolled up in the most eye-catching and frankly, totally "wrong," pink tutus you ever did see! Yes, darling, it was a complete and utter "disaster".
Imagine it, a symphony of swan white dresses, but then BAM, pink ones, as if by magic. Well, my darlings, it wasn’t by magic, not at all! One little "blonde bob" went on stage as intended in the swan-like, pure-white, billowing tulle that she'd perfected in rehearsal. Except – and this is the part that has had us all giggling – then the following ballerinas – and we are talking every one of them – arrived in **a riot of fuchsia pink.**
It was a right "laughing fit" for the audience, I tell you. People, they just couldn't control their giggles, let me tell you. I had never seen a performance like it! One, **pink tutu-ed** ballerina stumbled, lost her balance and nearly did a somersault into the audience, bless her cotton socks! The director's eyes bulged, the stage manager fainted and the ballerina, well, she did a beautiful, little impromptu curtsy, as if to apologise!
To top it all off, there was a big fuss over the prima ballerina, who shall remain nameless but is notorious for having an ego bigger than the entire stage, let me tell you. Imagine the utter pandemonium when, bless her heart, the prima ballerina stormed out to do a very impressive, graceful pirouette - only, she too, emerged in a bright pink tutu – one that was slightly frayed at the seams. Now, this was when the audience had its "belly full of laughs." The stage was awash with bright fuchsia pink, as if a frightened flamingo had exploded on stage. The poor girl, bless her heart, had clearly given up any sense of decorum, and simply rolled her eyes to heaven, and said in a very distinct “I've lost it” voice – as if it was entirely normal – that “we couldn’t all fit in these tiny little things.”
It appears the ballet’s resident costume lady, a real darling but as it happens, a tad tipsy after one too many "glasses of something strong", had got the order for the tutus confused. There was nothing she could do. The costumes were in the bag - quite literally – all **fuchsia-pink**. This dear old thing must've spent hours, as she herself has told the press, stitching and hemming these magnificent tutus - but in the "wrong" shade.
She even tried to change, but time was a ticking – no pun intended! We're all feeling the pressure of a performance night, darling – what with deadlines and the pressure to "perfection" – so there was no time to reorder tutus. It just didn't happen.
To say the scene was “amusing” is a bit of an understatement, as the audience were, as we like to say, "in hysterics". And they loved the "unexpected "show”. In the end, with a lot of improvisation, an understudy, bless her heart – and yes, she too was “rocked” a rather fine** bright pink tutu** – and some amazing quick changes from the costumers, they managed to "pull it off." The ballet continued in a haze of pinkness, and everyone, audience included, agreed that it was a show they would never forget.
It certainly put some “oomph" into an otherwise routine night! The whole experience was a right laugh! We will always remember the day the ballerinas turned **pink**. A perfect example that "a stitch in time saves nine."
I've said before, you can’t be serious, can you? Not at all! It was a night we shall never forget – and a testament to the spirit of "keeping things rolling," even when things go slightly "tits up," don't you know. They "saved the show" and even when, the entire production was awash with bright fuchsia pink – those lovely ballerinas went on, "dancing the night away." We simply must salute their "true grace." So here's to the beautiful ballerinas – the show was truly remarkable, if you know what I mean.