Ballet goes bonkers: Pink tutus, pratfalls and a touch of the ridiculous! Oh darling, you simply wouldn't believe the scene at the Royal Ballet this morning! It wasn't the usual swan lake shenanigans, no, it was pure, unadulterated chaos. Let's just say it wasn't *Swan Lake*, it was *Swans Gone Wild*.
It all started innocently enough. The annual "Tutu Time" had arrived - that magical moment when the company’s resident seamstresses whip up a batch of brand new, frothy pink tutus. Now, these are not just any old pink tutus. They're *designer* pink tutus, with a generous dash of sequins, a generous amount of tulle and a very special type of shimmer that could blind a man from 50 paces.
This year, however, the seamstresses had clearly had a spot of sherry before the sewing began. As the tutus went onto the stage for a quick run-through, it was as if they had minds of their own. The seams were, well, *slippery*! A tiny puff of wind from the air con, and the tutus became the stars of the show, with the dancers playing second fiddle. Imagine a swan lake with a touch of flamenco!
- Poor darling Daphne (remember her from last year's 'Cinderella', darling, she tripped over her slipper right at the end!) nearly lost a whole wing in a flurry of feathers and frills. And that wasn't the only near wardrobe malfunction – we're talking tulle in places you wouldn't expect to see it, darling!
- Then there was poor old Barry, who's normally the epitome of balletic grace. Imagine him, looking like he'd been tangoing with a whirlwind! It was hilarious, truly. Honestly, I laughed until my lipstick was running!
But then, things took an unexpected turn for the worse. Imagine a tutus and tights fight scene! They were *going at it* – sequins flying, pink tulle tangled around the ballet barre, with the odd shoe getting launched into the orchestra pit. Honestly, the pit looked like it was about to have a tutu-tastic picnic! It was *absolute mayhem*, darlings!
The company's headmistress, Miss Fifi (yes, that’s right, Miss Fifi) was less than thrilled with the situation. One rumour, a particularly juicy one, suggests that Miss Fifi called it "the biggest catastrophe since that disastrous attempt to incorporate belly dancing into "Sleeping Beauty" in 1986". Let's just say, I would not want to be the unfortunate dancer that's doing the lead role on Tuesday.
But the ballet world, like any good fashionista, moves on quickly, and we can expect that Miss Fifi will have whipped everyone into shape in time for opening night. I can almost hear the whispers of "she will turn them out, darling" already, don’t you? I for one am absolutely tickled pink at the prospect. Honestly, where else are you going to get pink tutus flying across the stage with so much grace? Only the ballet, darling, only the ballet.