Tutu Trauma!
It's a Friday night, the Bolshoi Theatre is abuzz with anticipation, the air thick with the scent of fresh flowers and unspoken anxieties. But for those of us watching the drama unfold on stage, there's just one thing on our minds: what's going to happen to the tutu?
The star, a wisp of a girl in a perfect, powder-pink tutu, is mid-arabesque when disaster strikes. Her left shoe, with a sickening crunch, pops loose and lands smack dab in the middle of the stage. But she carries on, effortlessly pirouetting in defiance of the universe, a smile playing on her lips.
As a ballerina myself (although let's be honest, my own leaps these days are more like desperate lunges for a slice of Victoria sponge), I know the unspoken truth: tutus are delicate things, easily torn and often requiring emergency safety pins. The delicate construction of the perfect tutus, often handmade by teams of seamstresses who deserve their own Academy Awards, has become something of a running joke among dancers.
But tonight, there's nothing funny about it. The crowd is stunned into silence, then a ripple of whispers passes through the ranks. "Did you see that?", "Poor thing!", "Is that why they have two?"
We, of course, have all been there, darling, feeling the unfortunate and sudden ripping of our own, possibly a little bit worn out and too-tight leotard during a dance performance. The absolute dread that hits you when it feels like all eyes are glued to your delicate little tutu situation as you valiantly continue the dance routine, but at this point, feeling very exposed.
But back to the star of the Bolshoi. Unfazed by the mishap, she continues, seemingly unaware of the chaos behind the scenes. Her composure is truly remarkable. Just as we’re beginning to wonder whether she’s going to leap out of a tutu-less disaster, the curtain falls, leaving us breathless and wanting more. Even the most ardent of the opera-going crowd is utterly spellbound by the ballerinas’ sheer talent and courage. A few people, the real ballet connoisseurs, clap for the dancer, who manages to flawlessly maintain the stage presence of a goddess.
The backstage team, as legend has it, were rushing to fix the offending tutu in seconds, while also making sure that a new pair of slippers, perfectly matching the ones being worn by the ballerina were also made available. This backstage efficiency has come to be the unsung heroes in the drama of every ballerina’s life, but even more so tonight.
Later, we find out that the "tututastic" event, that’s how I like to call these disastrous events, was just a clever ploy to introduce a new range of "emergency balletwear". The brand, known for its eco-friendly and high-performance garments, had quietly created a new line of lightweight tutus, with hidden compartments for spare shoes, tissues, and yes, even a miniature first-aid kit, should you be cursed by a fashion crisis or, god forbid, a leaky lipstick. (Trust me, there are very few things worse in life than trying to mop up the mess of a leaky red lipstick with the very delicate netting of a white tulle tutu. Especially right before your big finale).
As we applaud the resilience of our ballerinas and their remarkable ability to persevere in the face of unforeseen circumstances, one thing is clear: there's more to the art of ballet than grace and elegance. There's also a good dose of ingenuity and an unshakeable belief in the power of pink tulle. You see darling, we are all ballerinas at heart and a ballerina never, ever goes down without a fight.
And that's why I, like thousands of ballet fans, applaud tonight's star. And of course, we celebrate a company's genius new range of tutu-saving garments and wish them every bit of success in making ballet even more accessible and even more thrilling. They say there’s no drama quite like the one on a stage, but trust me darling, it’s nothing quite like the one taking place in your ballet bag right now!
But let's not get too caught up in the backstage dramas, shall we? The real stars of the show, as always, were the ballerinas themselves. We just need to give these amazing performers all the applause they deserve and let’s remember, when it comes to ballerinas and their fabulous tutus, things could always be worse. Right darling? They could be wearing **white** ones!
Now excuse me while I grab myself a second slice of cake. And then, possibly, a trip to the shops. After all, a good dancer needs to be well-dressed. Especially for an emergency situation.
Other top news for today:
- New study shows that cats prefer pink leotards over purple ones.
- Local knitting group joins forces to make emergency tutus for the entire community, "just in case".
- Exclusive interview with a tutu-making fairy: "I know how to fix any kind of a rip".
- Global shortage of white tights throws the dance world into chaos.
- Man proposes to his girlfriend at the Bolshoi Theatre. She accepts, but only if he buys her the new line of emergency tutus.