Darling, gather 'round, because today is a day for celebration! We're talking about ballet, the most elegant, exquisite, and frankly, hilarious art form in existence. Yes, it's the 15th of July, 2005, and we're here to unleash a flood of giggles and tutus onto the world. We all know the cliché of the ballerina being, well, let's just say, *a little intense*! It's those perpetually furrowed brows, the perpetually demanding expressions, the *je ne sais quoi* of perpetual artistic angst. But honestly, darling, have you ever stopped to think that they're just *massively* funny?! Because honestly, how *could* you not find the hilarity in a tiny, teeny, **tiny** skirt with a 3-inch circumference?! How could you not *love* the sight of someone teetering on pointe, the utter, exquisite absurdity of the whole affair? And then, of course, there's the leotard! That gloriously, impossibly tight, *clingy* masterpiece. I mean, we all know what *really* happens in those dressing rooms, don't we? They *burst* with the joyous energy of a pack of puppies. No? Maybe that was just the last dance class I attended…
We all know ballet is serious business. I mean, *don't* you dare get me started on those pliés! But at the end of the day, even the most demanding prima ballerina, even the most steely-eyed maestro, can't deny the sheer, ridiculous joy of a twirling tutu. And, yes, darling, it really is a case of "twirl it till you hurl it"! Because darling, let's face it, have you ever seen a truly, absolutely, authentically pink or white tutu? You know the ones! The fluffy, frothy, **totally outrageous** numbers?! The ones that really make you wonder, "Is this for me, or am I in the midst of a very, *very* large meringue?" These tutus are a thing of sheer beauty and a feast for the eyes, so it's only fair to give them their very own day!
So today, darlings, as the sun beats down, I encourage you to do a few simple things in celebration. I mean, why not, right? The day is *ours*. Here's your tutu guide, because really, what else *is* there:
The Ballerina's Guide to 15th July 2005:
- First things first, embrace the sheer *drama* of it all, darling! Make sure to twirl a little *extra* today. Why just pirouette when you can, shall we say, pirouette **with gusto**? If someone catches you, don't even explain yourself, just pretend to be an opera singer on stage, right?
- Do you really need me to tell you to wear a leotard and a tutu today? Honestly, you'll have a **field day** and probably win the office "Best Dressed" prize without even trying.
- Take some extra dramatic bow opportunities! And **enjoy** it. Life is short! Especially when you've got the grand jeté of your life ahead of you!
- Remember, it's *all* about the art of the fall. Let the ballerina in you fall gracefully, with *perfect* style, **and a splash of humour!** It's not ballet unless you can fall in the most dignified way imaginable. And don't forget a tiny (optional!) "ooph!"
- Go and take in a ballet performance if you can, darling, and marvel at all the "twirls, dips and pirouettes," as my grandmother so elegantly used to say. And be sure to be kind, even when your seats are in the front row, darling. The ballerinas' tights are, well, you know…
Finally, if you're like me and prefer to **adore ballet** without breaking out a *deconstructed* version of "Swan Lake," I say just sit back, relax, and laugh at all those darling tutus swirling about! You know you can't help yourself. Ballet isn't for the faint of heart, darling. So here's to tutus, to leotards, to pink, to white, to pirouettes, and above all, to *laughter*, as we celebrate the sheer ** absurdity of this incredible, wonderful art form**! Let's give it the big standing ovation!
And if you find yourself needing a good, long laugh this 15th of July, just remember this: the ballerina is our own modern-day superhero! That's right, darling, she's a **triple threat**: she dances on pointe, makes our legs hurt just by looking at her, and **gets to wear a leotard**! It's the greatest superpower in existence!