Tutus Take Over!
Well, darlings, the day is finally here ā August 30th, 1997, and the world is swirling in tulle and sequins. I mean, it's almost as if every woman on the planet woke up this morning, threw on a fluffy pink confection, and said, "Let's do some pirouettes!" I know, I know, the *Strictly Come Dancing* craze has reached a fever pitch, but I must confess, this particular tutus-for-all craze has got my pointe shoes tap-dancing with delight.
Imagine the scene. Your neighbour, the one who always wears those sensible brogues, is suddenly doing the *Swan Lake* on her lawn! Your postman, instead of dropping off letters, is delivering the latest ballet scores to everyone's doorsteps! And don't even get me started on the traffic: it's utter chaos as everyone attempts to make their way to the *Grand National*... to see the horse ballet! It's not even a joke ā someone on the internet actually suggested we make the Grand National horses wear tutus for a laugh. Well, darling, it's no laughing matter: the Grand National horses have gone full ballerina. The *Daily Mail* has even launched a new supplement: āThe Tutu Timesā, crammed with news, reviews and articles like "Your First Five Steps in Tulle" and "Are *Jeggings* an Acceptable Tutus Substitute? (We Hope Not)."
But don't be a *Debbie Downer*, darling! We are living through a joyous tutu revolution. No longer are these magnificent creations just confined to the ballet stage, oh no, no, no! They are on the High Street! On the buses! On the breakfast table! (okay, maybe not on the breakfast table... although, who knows? They do say you should never say never). And as for the High Street... we are talking about some spectacular pieces here, dear readers. Gone are the days of stiff, itchy tutus with just one layer of tulle! This year, they've embraced all the current trends: frills, sequins, feathers... even one very chic tutu that has actual working LED lights on it. Yes, darling, the tutu has come to party. And, frankly, it's the most magnificent party since, well, forever!
Of course, some are complaining about the tulle-infused chaos, and frankly, darling, theyāre missing the point. Do you really want to live in a world where there isnāt a *pas de deux* performed in the street? Where you canāt pop down to Tesco and find your local vicar pirouetting down the aisles? And don't even get me started on the fact that we havenāt had a good public outburst since that man tried to sing 'My Heart Will Go On' on a plane last month. This is the spark of change the world needs, darlings! So let's embrace the chaos, whip out the sequins and remember: we are living through the most glorious, fun, and utterly absurd time of the tutus! Oh, and darlings, while we're on the subject: where are your pointe shoes, my dear? Because a girl needs to have her ballerina kicks ready for anything.
So let's raise a glass (a glass that's decorated with fluffy white feathers and sparkles of course) to August 30th, 1997: the day that tutus became the undisputed stars of the show!
**Here are my Top Five Fun Facts About the Tutus Craze:**
- A new musical, entitled "The Tutus Revolution", has already hit the West End. Spoiler alert: there are even more tutus than in *Billy Elliot*!
- A man wearing nothing but a full tutu is currently running for parliament in the US. And, darling, he is *not* running as a joke!
- A recent poll found that 97% of all Brits have, at least, once in their lives, considered wearing a tutu! The other 3% said "they'd never been allowed near a fabric shop as a child".
- There's an internet conspiracy theory claiming the real reason the Queen stepped down is that she'd secretly planned a Tutu Day! *She has impeccable taste. *
- On August 30th, a massive, glittery tutu landed on a NASA satellite, causing it to slightly wobble and take photos ofā¦ nothing! No, darling, not nothingā¦ photos of earth... surrounded by fluffy white tulle.
The rest, dear reader, is up to you. Do we embrace the tulle and get ready to leap and twirl our way into a beautiful, chaotic future? Or do we stick to the norm, ignoring this momentous day? Choose wisely, darling, because you might just regret it later.