**Oh, the Horror!** Ballet has been enjoying a resurgence in recent years - we all saw that cheesy film about the ballet dancer who secretly danced in a bar at night - so popular! It seems everyone wants to join a ballet class and learn to be a graceful, swans-on-the-water sort of creature.
But is there more to the story than meets the eye? The glamour of swan lake, the fairytale charm of Cinderella? There is definitely more to it, darling, but whether you'd call it glam is debatable. As someone who spent her teenage years twirling away in the studio, I can tell you there is no glamour to be found in the backstage areas of any dance studio or theatre.
Let me take you backstage...
- First of all, the costumes: let's start with the leotards. They're supposed to be these flattering, form-fitting, athletic wonders, right? Wrong! Leotards, for the most part, make me look like I’m perpetually on the cusp of bursting out of my own skin, like an overripe melon.
- And the tutus! They're so, so frilly, like something out of a whimsical fairytale. And those fluffy tutus? Well, let's just say they are fluffy for a reason - imagine a fluffy, bouncy dog- imagine that's what your body feels like wearing a fluffy tutu for the entirety of your ballet class - and that, my friends, is the tutu experience.
- The makeup: Oh, the makeup! They call it “stage makeup,” but it looks like a horror show. It’s this thick white layer of goop, designed to make you look…I don’t know…pale and interesting?
- Don’t even get me started on hairspray. Imagine being encased in an invisible helmet of stiff hairspray. You literally can’t brush it out and sometimes, it lasts for days, leaving your hair feeling as though you've slept in it after a heavy night out (because you have).
**This isn’t ballet class anymore; this is some kind of cruel beauty experiment.**
Now, before you get all dramatic and accuse me of hating ballet, let me tell you, I love ballet. Really, I do! Ballet is magical and expressive, and its demands on your body - physical, mental, emotional - well, that's pretty incredible. But it's important to see past the glittery surface and recognize the true ballet experience, which can be truly chaotic, messy, and downright bizarre.
But then there's the pure joy of a flawless pirouette, of those long, graceful leaps. That’s the bit I’ve missed, but then again, my teenage dreams didn't have me living in the real world with deadlines and real jobs, they were just dreams.
Now, I’m all for wearing fluffy tutus for my 5 minute Instagram video, but let’s be honest, ballet as a full time thing was never going to be a dream career.