It's the 31st of October and you know what that means? It's time to get spooky! But instead of dressing up like a ghost or a ghoul, I'm celebrating the scariest thing I know - *ballet*!
Now, before you get all "Ballet? That's for dainty little fairies!" on me, let me just explain. Ballet is terrifying. Not because it involves terrifying creatures like goblins and ghouls. No, the terror is hidden in the sheer physicality of it all. We're talking leaping, twirling, stretching, balancing – the things nightmares are made of!
And you know what's truly frightening? Those infamous tutus. They're like little fluffy prisons, promising grace and elegance while whispering, "One wrong move, darling, and you'll be a flailing heap on the stage!" The horror! The drama! The sheer *pinkness*!
Just imagine: you're up there on the stage, sweat dripping, leg trembling, holding a perfectly straight posture, trying to defy gravity in your ridiculous little skirt while wearing a smile wider than the Grand Canyon. Talk about an anxiety attack waiting to happen!
Oh, and let's not forget the leotards. Those clingy little numbers can turn any woman into a superhero or a scantily clad horror film protagonist. Either way, they are far from subtle and let's just say "unforgiving." All the years of perfecting your **plie** , **grand jeté**, and **arabesque** all leading to this, the dreaded leotard.
Now, some might argue that all this spooky business isn't scary; they'll claim it's simply "art". But let me tell you, I've been on both sides of the stage. It's terrifying on the outside, terrifying on the inside! So when I hear people gushing over the *poetry in motion*, the *fluid grace*, and *the beauty of it all*, I simply laugh hysterically!
But fear not! I'm here to share some tips and tricks on how to survive ballet and actually find it "beautiful"!
- Forget the white tutu – unless you're really keen on standing out like a pale marshmallow, ditch the blinding white tutu and go for a darker, more sophisticated shade like *black*, *navy*, or *deep crimson*. These shades not only look elegant, but also hide the sweat patches!
- Skip the pointe shoes – they look lovely and are undoubtedly *the* *ballerina* icon, but you know what else is beautiful? *Foot-health*. Go for comfortable dancing shoes and your feet (and sanity) will thank you. Maybe not for **chassé**, or **sauté** but let's be real, what's more graceful than comfort?!
- Embracing the flaws – don’t try to be perfect, especially when it comes to ballet! Embrace your imperfections. The wrong step, the misplaced pirouette, the slightly wonky *arabesque* – they all contribute to the uniqueness of the art. After all, nobody remembers perfect performances; people remember the *memorable* ones, the ones that are imperfect but heartfelt.
- Add some "dark humour" to your recital – Don't be afraid to infuse your dancing with some "dark humor." A knowing smirk, a mischievous wink, a little “oh-dear-God-help-me” shrug can inject a whole new layer of comedy. Just make sure the audience gets it!
- Take a "Break"! - We know "breaks" are not "classical" but we've got to make ballet fun and approachable! In a recital, the audience should feel invited into this scary world, where we move, we laugh, we fail and sometimes we win. In a "Break", maybe, maybe it doesn't work, maybe your teacher yells, "What was that?! You call that a *plié*?!" – embrace that "fear", that "awkwardness" that makes the art *beautiful* in the most authentic way.
This year, as you go knocking on doors seeking sweets and indulging in ghost-shaped cakes, take a moment to appreciate the ballet. Maybe watch a YouTube video, maybe take a break, maybe just laugh a little. Because let’s face it, ballet is truly terrifying in the best way possible!