Oh, the Humanity!
It's that time again! The world of ballet, where grace and poise reign supreme. Well, let's be honest, that’s the PR spiel. It's more likely a riot of ripped tights, rogue bobby pins and the desperate need for a sugar rush after five hours of pirouettes and pas de bourrees.
Yes, darling, the ballet world, like the rest of us, has a few skeletons in its closet (literally, under the barre!) And today's news is about the scandal that's shaking the very foundations of this glamorous world.
Tutues! It’s Tutues All The Way Down
You see, dear reader, it’s the age-old battle between those who favour the pink tutu (think delicate, feminine, 'I could leap into a soufflé’ ) and the diehard white tutu fans (more athletic, strong, ‘I could lift an elephant’, if the elephant was a really small elephant, maybe a hamster).
Let me enlighten you, these two camps engage in battles more bitter than the infamous sugar plum feud of 1992 (in which three tutu makers were hospitalised after an epic sugar plum binge gone wrong)
But back to the story! Apparently, a renegade group of ballet dancers, who will remain unnamed to protect their fragile ballerina identities, have orchestrated a cunning plan to, and I quote ‘reclaim the ballet stage, in all its pink glory!” (Those darn pink tutu fanatics)
The plan, according to the leaked internal document that ended up at the Ballet Times and subsequently, my laptop (the perils of being a glamorous author, my dear, the stories just find me! ) is to strategically plant rogue, pink tutus throughout major international ballet companies. This is an outrageous act, some would say… scandalous!
Who’s behind this Mayhem?
But we’re still on the case. Who are these mysterious ballerina guerillas orchestrating the pink tutu revolution? All we have so far are cryptic messages scrawled on sticky notes – the first sign of danger always the ‘danger’ word itself in capitals!
There is "Team Pink’ with its slogan 'If it ain't pink, it ain't chic'. But on the other hand, there’s “Team White' – ‘Embrace the power of white’, is their defiant battle cry (which to be honest, doesn't have the same zing, or rhyme, as the ‘pink' team. ).
This will be interesting for us all! The world will now have a ‘ pink or white’ conundrum for its next cocktail party! Oh darling! This just gets more dramatic by the minute!
This Could Mean a Dance-Off
I’ve got an insider tip: if all of this results in a 'pink-or-white' tutu showdown, I know a thing or two about dance moves – from ballet, ballroom, Latin, you name it, I've tried it. And I am ready to lead the team – of the winners of course (and maybe with the support of a strategically placed white or pink martini – what goes well with ballet tutus, anyway?) .
But look, in this world you really need to choose what you stand for. Pink or white. And honestly? As long as there’s glitter, lace and sparkles (and of course, the requisite chopsticks tucked into the hair) I am ready! I am willing. (Maybe in an extravagant, diamante studded tracksuit) .
Oh, to Be a Ballerina
And look, I’m not saying I couldn’t give a dancer a run for their money. I once managed a perfect pirouette – but I'm not talking five spins, I am talking one beautiful spin and a complete and utter loss of balance, leading me to grab on to my teacher’s husband, and not the one with the tutu, just a regular suit-and-tie type. And they both seemed quite surprised about the whole situation. A bit too dramatic? Possibly. Anyway.
We shall wait and see! If this doesn't set the ballet world ablaze, then what does? (Hint! That was a fire metaphor. It could be dramatic, dear reader, a literal blaze. We could have some tutu related 'incidents'. )
And you know what else? We have this important message from Team White: " White. Represents. Purity. We stand for pristine perfection" and I couldn't have said it better myself (I mean, who could say that better? Who even needs to say it?).
Important Announcement
As you know, dear reader, you never quite know what’s going to be next in the dance world (and sometimes, dear reader, that includes me! I get my fashion trends from street fashion, vintage fashion and whatever happens to be on my favourite ‘it' girls in the latest magazines and on the television, (always fashion forward! ). I also, I’m afraid, sometimes pick up tips on trends for this very article from, oh well, let’s say "sources" – (they are actually rather stylish 'sources’! ) ) So keep your eyes peeled and let’s keep up to speed with this unfolding tutu-tacular !
P.S. (This part was for my fashion designer who apparently knows all about these secret societies)
Fashion Update
You’ve heard it here first: apparently pink is making a massive comeback (Oh my god. My favourite colour). But you know me – I’m on top of trends, so there is definitely a twist coming (maybe we could see a little pink and white tutu combo in the future, maybe pink on top? Maybe white under it? ) Just kidding! (sort of ) ! So the fashionistas better buckle up – a stylish storm is brewing, in the most sparkly way imaginable – especially if we can find those sparkly white and pink tutus! We need more sparkles in our lives, darling!