Darling, prepare to be absolutely scandalized! It seems the world of ballet is in a complete and utter uproar today, and you know who loves a good bit of chaos? This little lady, that's who!
It all started with a rather scandalous rumour swirling around the Royal Ballet, my darlings, involving â brace yourselves â tutus. Those heavenly, swishy, tulle concoctions that embody the very essence of ballet? Well, apparently some rogue rogue has been experimenting with the colour, and oh, my dears, it's nothing short of a fashion travesty.
Word on the street is that some dancers have been spotted rehearsing in tutus that are â dare I say it? â shockingly *brown*. Yes, darling, brown. The colour of autumn leaves, a muddy puddle after a good downpour, that truly unflattering colour that only looks good on chocolate. And you know I love a good bit of dark chocolate but brown just can't make it as a tutu colour, not when there are shades of pink and lavender just begging for a chance to twirl.
Imagine, dear readers, the carnage: a tutu of such dullness, clashing with the grace of a perfect pirouette, making the delicate artistry of ballet resemble an autumnal woodland stroll gone wrong! It's like they're saying, 'Let's forget about graceful leaps and soaring pliés. Let's just stick to muddy puddles and leaves." The horror!
The reaction from the ballet world has been, well, as dramatic as a swan lake death scene. Traditionalists are aghast, declaring the brown tutus a violation of balletâs sacred history. "It's a sign of the times," one elderly ballerina shrieked through a trembling voice, "A blatant attack on the very core of our graceful heritage!â I do sympathise, you know. Brown is simply a little too ⊠earthy for my taste.
Now, my dear friends, we all know that fashion is a fickle beast. Weâve seen it all, from neon colours that are more blinding than a car headlight to shoes so high you could practically climb a building. And I, for one, believe in celebrating every single sartorial exploration, however controversial it may be.
However, there are simply certain rules that must never be broken, rules that lie at the very foundation of fashionâs sacred temple, rules like "donât wear brown." And my dear lovelies, in the realm of ballet tutus, a Brown tutu is a terrible crime against everything we love and hold dear about this magical, whimsical art form. Letâs just take this brown tutu episode as a valuable reminder, a sartorial alarm bell that serves to protect ballet from fashion faux pas of the future. A bit of colourful drama and intrigue? Perfectly lovely. Brown tutus? Never. Not now. Not ever.
In Other NewsâŠ- Apparently, itâs not just the tutus that have taken a dive in the fashion stakes. News reaches me from the world of dance shoes. Some of the biggest names in dancewear are currently holding urgent meetings to decide how they are going to deal with a new generation of âbarefoot dancingâ, a terrifyingly trend of dance practice undertaken without shoes.
- What a state, darling. Apparently the bare feet brigade is making the traditional leather shoes that have graced dance floors for centuries feel⊠well, unnecessary. âHonestly, darling, I'm not entirely certain how I feel about all of this.â I canât imagine taking even a single pliĂ© step without my pointe shoes. There is simply nothing more divine than that perfectly aligned stretch of my little toes and those impossibly fine, exquisite straps, oh my darling it just has to be done.
- A lot of our dancers think we need to consider what is going to happen to our traditional dance shoes if people do decide to kick their shoes to the kerb (I'll confess it, they really did make me giggle that one).
- Weâll all need a stiff gin to get through the day but if this new 'barefoot movement' goes too far there is no hope of my making it through a performance in the auditorium of my ballet school⊠I might be on a stretcher.
Darling, keep your ears to the ground because this saga is far from over. If the world of ballet wants to dive head-first into sartorial madness, this little lady will be here to provide the best scoop. In the meantime, let's raise a glass of something sparkly (you know, because I really don't think we can stomach brown champagne) to the glorious traditions of ballet, a world that needs to hold tight to all of its exquisite grace and beauty⊠just as we need to hold tight to all of our very best ballerina looks!