Oh darlings, itâs Christmas Day plus one â Boxing Day! And what better way to spend this most delightful post-festive day than by indulging in a spot of ballet-related frivolity? Let's delve into the whimsical world of tutus and tiaras, where graceful ballerinas leap and pirouette with an ethereal beauty that simply leaves one gasping for breath. I do love a good story, darlings, and I simply *must* share with you all, this outrageously delightful tale. Iâm practically quivering with excitement â letâs have a little Christmas cheer with some ballet bonkersness.
Now, picture this: the Royal Opera House, all grandeur and glittering chandeliers. Imagine a sea of shimmering white tutus, so exquisitely pristine youâd think they'd just been hand-washed by angels (and dry-cleaned, of course - a ballet girl never wears a creased tutu, darling!) And then, BANG! A rogue pink tutu â oh the horror! How did it get there? Where did it come from?
Well, letâs be dramatic. You see, our protagonist is the prima ballerina extraordinaire, Esmeralda "Essie" DeVille. And as much as she is a delicate, fragile, beautiful butterfly of a woman, Essie's temper can be rather explosive. The audacity! The horror! Oh, Essie must be livid! The offending pink tutu has been stealthily placed into the heart of this pristine sea of white and as Essie sweeps onstage for the finale of *Swan Lake* - and look what she spots. She goes completely barmy. A genuine, wild-eyed fit!
Now Essie's dance moves, darlings? Pure brilliance. However, her ability to "showboat" with the theatricality and grace of an Olympian has resulted in some of the biggest scandal and rumours to hit the hallowed halls of ballet - but she just makes the rumours into gossip for the tea rooms - and always knows how to look good whilst she does it! So as she spots the pink tutu (don't worry, darlings it was very noticeable, as she has no time for understated garments, she was sporting a white tutu fit for an empress - all frills and feathers), she starts whirling, pirouetting, kicking up her heels... All very beautiful. She makes it all very artfully graceful and delicate but that look on her face tells the story. That "You have so messed with the wrong woman" glare - *shivers down my spine, darling*.
Naturally, there was pandemonium, darlings. This wouldnât be ballet without a little bit of theatrical chaos. The other dancers, flustered and flabbergasted, scrambled to maintain their choreography â I hear that some even stepped on each otherâs toes (which is a grave offense, darlings, never step on your fellow ballerina's toes! One of the rules!) - well letâs not blame anyone too much. And as for the conductor, the poor darling looked as if he'd just been told to knit an Olympic swimming pool. Honestly, what is the world coming to?
But the best part of the whole spectacle, darlings, is the little girl in the audience. It appears, the little darlingâs grandmother had brought the *tutu of doom*. She's never been to ballet before so Granny had gone a bit over the top for her - you know Granny - but poor girl. No one is happy. The ballerina is seething and her Nana was having a stroke at the drama she was causing - her face was bright red! I hope granny wasnât drinking the sherry she brought with her!
The child was horrified, I believe the child shrieked - "You took my tutu! It's my favourite! You must be naughty!â Then of course, darling, there was applause. People, you see, love a little bit of chaos. The pink tutu did make it the most memorable *Swan Lake* ever, even for the audience - who got a great story out of the whole affair.
But Essie? Oh, Essie's a brilliant woman. She kept going - not once stopping her performance. All the while maintaining her fierce look that says "I don't need you, tutu or no tutu". And the next night she appeared on stage and to our astonishment wore - not one tutu, darling but TWO! - a stunning, glittering white tutu and beneath it a flowing, billowing, luxurious pink tutu! Just to rub the *tutu of doom* right in grannyâs face.
I mean what was she thinking?
Honestly - no one wears pink, even Essie.
As it turned out the girl, the grandmother, and the rogue pink tutu all went to great lengths, by way of an apology. In fact, it became an unlikely friendship - Granny joined Essie for some afternoon tea and Essie even agreed to take the little girl to an up-and-coming ballet star - oh what a story this has made, I hear, to all those at the school! This really *is* the season for miracles! It turns out that pink was a perfect match for Essie. In fact, some even claim that it made her a better ballerina! And as for granny? She took the hint. No more rogue pink tutus ever. Letâs keep things simple, elevated, graceful and, if we must, with a certain degree of drama.
This, darling, is a story of what we call âtrue, unadulterated ballet. Just as well it happened at the theatre as it has all added to the charm and mystique! Let's all raise a glass (and perhaps a little pink champagne!) to Essie and the magical world of ballet.