**Oh darling, you wouldn't BELIEVE the drama that went down at the Royal Ballet's open rehearsal today!** I mean, seriously, you've got to hear this! It was *literally* like a scene from *Black Swan*, only way more glamorous.
Now, let's be clear: the Royal Ballet is all about precision and elegance. It's practically *the* definition of high-society polish. So you can just imagine the uproar when the new recruits' **pink tutus** (let's be honest, the colour of the season) went missing! They vanished, poof! Just gone!
Apparently, some rumour mongers whispered that the new prima ballerina, Penelope (who by the way, is utterly divine, just picture a taller, leaner Natalie Portman, with even bigger, brighter eyes and oh those legs!) was suspected of nabbing the tutus for herself.
I mean, who could blame her, really? Those tutus are works of art. And let's be honest, a white tutu? *Divine* on stage. Penelope has legs for days, and that's precisely why, apparently, everyone suspected she stole them for some top-secret, *super-exclusive* performance.
I even heard whispers that some senior dancers were going so far as to call it "a pink crime". Oh, darlings, the gossip is just *unbearable*.
But, as the rumour mill churned faster than a pirouette on point, the culprit was finally discovered. It wasn't Penelope. And *not* because her "angelic innocence" was so blinding (although, honestly, the woman does have the most magnificent hair ā itās always so perfectly braided and bouncy!) It wasn't any of the prima ballerinas at all! It was the head of costume. She actuallyā¦ **confessed** (yes, like a dramatic scene from some Broadway production!) that she had accidentally washed the tutus with *the wrong soap*. Imagine, soaping up those beautiful, billowing creations that are supposed to look like they were sculpted out of spun sugar! *The horror!*
Honestly, I nearly dropped my cappuccino when I heard it! **The culprit, a perfectly charming and demure elderly woman with a permanent smile etched on her face, calmly revealed she had put those tutus in with a massive batch ofā¦ wait for itā¦** *pink bath towels.*
It turns out, pink bath towels do *not* play nicely with tulle. Let me tell you, that was one messy, soapy catastrophe! There were bubbles everywhere, and feathers ā oh, don't get me started on the feathers. Let's just say that after this incident, a certain section of the costume department looked more like a feather factory than anything else.
I heard a hushed rumour that some poor, unfortunate intern, bless her heart, spent the entire afternoon trying to disentangle feathers from the tutu tulle. It was pure chaos, and I think that intern is now the queen of detangling, a master of knot-weaving extraordinaire! Iāve seen pictures of those feathers. And, I just canāt imagine how anyone managed to separate that mess! *Impressive* doesnāt even begin to describe it.
Of course, the ballet director, (that wonderfully austere but handsome fellow ā who, by the way, just happens to look remarkably like a taller version of the younger Daniel Craigā¦sigh) was not amused. There were whispers of a āstrict memoā and the potential āshutteringā of the whole costume department! But luckily for them, Penelope was, I am reliably informed, most *graciously* forgiving and stepped in to persuade everyone to "relax their pliĆ©s" (thatās ballet jargon, darlings). Honestly, sheās a national treasure ā she practically saved the day! Apparently, Penelope insisted that, in a gesture of āforgivenessā, everyone involved should participate in a special "tutu cleaning day". So thereāll be pink tutus everywhere - weāre talking the laundry room and, no surprise here, probably the stage. Apparently, thereās a *thing* with ballet and tutus. Itās some deeply ingrained, historical thing. But I'll just let you imagine those pink feathers, darlings... a perfect little feather disaster!
But oh, my sweet lovelies, here is the twist of all twists. Just as Penelopeās charming forgiveness was going to calm everyone, just as the chaos appeared to subside, **a rather disgruntled senior ballerina**, I am not allowed to name names but she looked a bit like Maggie Smith (in her prime, mind you, looking absolutely phenomenal!)ā¦ this ballerina just up andā¦ *faded* right out of the room, taking with her a particularly elegant, **white* tutu.
*Apparently,* it's part of an avant-garde, modern, performance piece that involves a āmagical disappearanceā, the mystery is, **who was the true culprit and, oh darling, where does that magnificent tutu vanish off to?**
I, for one, cannot wait to see. The best part? This **magnificent ballet extravaganza** is scheduled for next Saturday. **We shall be *front row*, naturally. You just wouldn't believe the fabulous shoes I'm planning to wear ā think Manolo Blahnik with a splash ofā¦ wait, I canāt spoil everything just yet. *Secret*, darling. *Secret!* **