Well darlings, it's that time again – the day we all *tut* about the tiniest of tutus! It’s the 18th of July, which, as you all know, is National Tutu Day. I know what you’re thinking: *tut* (in a posh, yet still vaguely dismissive way, you know the one) at the *audacity* of this day existing, especially as it's so awfully close to International Yoga Day! I mean, *yoga*, darlings, now that’s an actual art form, an exploration of the *inner self* and an incredibly difficult, elegant and **sexy** exercise form! Honestly, I've gone all *chakra-chaotic* at this mere notion of tutus and all that "graceful twirling." How on earth did it get its very own day?!
Listen, let’s be honest, darling, this isn’t the best day to celebrate “all things ballet” and let's not even mention that those blasted, frankly *uncomfortable* looking things they wear under their *dresses* - they're even *more* challenging to fit than a *vintage Dior dress* and not at all in the *flattering* way! That said, we’ve all got to face the music – or, the *Swan Lake* music as it were. Honestly, we're talking *serious music* with those tunes, darling, *serious*. Like, if someone started humming *The Dying Swan*, *do we even need to say more?* I mean, if they didn't wear such outrageous *costumes*, would ballet even have made the same impact? *Oh my*...
Honestly, though, we must celebrate the tutus in all their… er, *pink* and white glory. No other colour, darlings, can pull off *such a daring style* while *literally*, *floating across a stage* in an act of *ballerina bravery*. Yes, they’ve even made their way into the fashion scene in the most delightful way – a *whimsical* little touch to an otherwise very sophisticated, chic ensemble! Or perhaps *a more * *eclectic* design, depending on how you wish to rock it.
But you have to admire the confidence! The way those dancers *command the stage*, like swans in *the most* luxurious, billowing, satin bathrobes in a dazzling array of *eye-popping colours*, which, let’s be real, only those with *perfect* body forms can carry with any confidence! Not to mention those shoes! I wouldn’t last an hour in a pair, *I’d* *probably get arrested for public indecency*, *literally!* I think the dancing part is *very much* an afterthought – I mean, wouldn't they just topple over if they hadn't nailed those incredible jumps and pirouettes? Like, imagine *actually* trying to leap onto *one tiny shoe* while maintaining a *perfectly balanced* graceful pose with *absolute * poise? Honestly, my *inner voice* *shrieked* "Oh, darling! You won't *possibly* make it to *even the third pose*, *ever*, and you *definitely won't* be doing those impossible moves – the ones *every dancer knows* you can only perform *with decades of practice and rigorous discipline*, *and*, *no, definitely not those ones!*” And even the seasoned pro’s *do fall over*, don’t *kid yourselves*, darling! *Not on National Tutu Day!* I mean, can you even imagine that happening? Oh the *humiliation*!* The *shame!* *Not on National Tutu Day!* Oh darling, we’re *just saying!* But then, we are all about making a *dramatic* entrance, are we not? And, yes, that does indeed *require* an incredibly *perfect outfit*.
But don’t get me wrong – we’re not *totally* against tutus, per se, okay, we have *much too* *much respect* for a sartorial icon *that iconic*, and even a few of us will *indulge* *just a little*… and *only on National Tutu Day* of course, darling! In fact, we can all admit, with *a* *tiny bit* of *embarrassment*, they’re actually *very charming* in their *own delightfully quirky way*, and you have to respect *the history and evolution* of such a wonderfully *creative piece of art and artistry*. And, darling, we *dare* to be bold! (Okay, a *little too* bold for most of us but *a *little * boldness* *just makes us so charming and... well, just *so* us, you know, like our *fashion sense*). We can’t *deny* the beauty and *extraordinarily elaborate construction* and *utter madness* (a tad over the top, isn't it? And just how do those ballerinas manage to put *those delicate* and expensive items on? They look utterly *brittle*, darling!). *What a sight to behold*. *They *truly* know *how to steal the show*!* They really do.
Here’s what I love about them (tutus):So, today, darlings, let us *indulge in our obsession* for this piece of *fashion artistry*, with all its glory, history and elegance and dare to say, *sometimes* even beauty! Don't worry, no one is *judging*. There’s no such thing as *judging* those that are **beautiful and stunning** (*we never ever say *beautiful*, darling!), **bold** and daring! Yes, even a **tutu* can have its own *unique sense of fashion*, don't you agree?