Fun Ballet Tutu News 500

Tutu Trouble! Is this the end of the tutu as we know it?

Darlings! I’m just back from a whirlwind trip to the Bolshoi, where they are threatening to do something outrageous, simply outrageous, I say! You see, this coming Saturday is the anniversary of the infamous ‘Tutu Throw Down’ in 1957, and this time, rumour has it they may even consider a "Tutu Ban!” Can you imagine it? All those lovely tulle swirls, those little flounces of ruffles…gone! They tell me this may even lead to the ultimate tutu fashion faux pas – **bare legs!!** Imagine that on stage…just a whole heap of unadorned gams twirling around in the spotlight. It would be like seeing an actress on screen without any lipstick – frankly, unthinkable!

Now, the whole ‘Tutu Throw Down’ was, I’m told, all the fault of one Madame P. Perky – she got up in the middle of the ‘Swan Lake’ pas de deux, you know, the famous one with all the twirling? And then she started throwing tutus into the audience, right from the stage. All the Bolshoi tutus! I just cannot think of a single piece of couture that would be so disgraceful to see flying over the orchestra pit! Now I have absolutely nothing against a spot of audience interaction, of course – but only within the proper guidelines!

Well, they called for a full “Tutu Removal” during ‘Swan Lake’ the very next day. You see, when a ballerina can no longer twirl and leap in a beautiful full skirt, the effect is, dare I say, catastrophic. They were still dancing of course, but… you can only imagine what it must have been like - ballet dancing with *just tights*. Absolutely no dancing on pointe either – can you imagine? All these lovely pointe shoes with nothing to cover them up? The Bolshoi really took a stand for the good of the theatre that day, darlings.

But then we have the current “Tutu Ban” crisis! Now there are all kinds of reasons. I heard that an “anonymous tutu fan” sent a letter to the Bolshoi – the nerve! - complaining that their “over-stuffed, tulle heavy, skirts” weren’t ‘politically correct’, darling, yes, they said ‘politically correct!'. The Bolshoi's been in a real panic, though. A good half of the Ballet corps have marched outside, carrying protest banners, saying things like, ‘Give us back our tulle, ‘A Tutu Is Not A Traitor’ and my favorite, 'Save Our Skirts!’ – absolutely darling! They say there’s been quite a lot of chatter on the Ballet Chat group (where I will certainly *never* be joining - as if I’d engage in internet nonsense - not me!)

I hear, of course, from very good sources, that the Bolshoi have hired a top fashion consultant - they call her, The Baroness of Ruffles – to look over the designs. The Baroness says they are looking for "something new and exciting," darling. Can you imagine - 'new'? It’s the classic ballet skirt for a reason - and a *reason* it is indeed! They will need all the tulle and ruffles they can find and, of course, my favorite…a perfectly lovely matching, perfectly coiffed and perfectly polished, pink shoe. The rest is simply unthinkable!

Oh my darling readers! Do you know the first thing the Baroness said when she walked into the rehearsal room, her ‘pink chiffon' gown floating behind her, the ‘Barometer of Bling’ ringing on her wrist? She held a *single pink feather boa* up high above her head! Imagine the scene…and oh my darling…just try to picture *her* voice!

You simply cannot believe how much my poor friend – dear, precious Olivia, a dancer in the corps – got teased about all this. “Olivia! darling, that tutus going? That’s one less thing for you to worry about in your hectic, ballet dancing life!” Everyone kept telling her this. But as for Olivia - she was in *despair*, darlings! I mean, she knows *every inch* of that fabric, each fold and tuck, each shimmer and sway. How could they just *throw it away*? I hear her words echo through my dreams…‘Can we *ever* take a break from ‘tradition'?” It’s a real conundrum. And, like a delicious piece of fondant cake – something else *utterly* unmissable - Olivia is a lovely redhead, too, you know? And they say…all those wonderful tututastic red curls would go unnoticed in a world without the frilly goodness of a beautiful tutu! It’s a real crisis for us! I don't see what all the fuss is about, myself. A little bare leg on stage… nothing a little sparkly glitter and sequins can't fix. Oh, my! Just imagine... I can see it now - ballet's *brand new* *totally fabulous, totally chic and completely new* trend!