Ballerinas in a Flap Over Tutus, It's Not Pretty!
Darling, let's face it, ballet's had its ups and downs over the years, and let's just say the "tutu situation" has been... shall we say, a bit of a ballet boggle. Forget about swan lake, there's been more drama than a triple pirouette gone wrong at a royal gala.
It all kicked off in that grand, fabulous temple of tulle - the Royal Opera House - yesterday, 17th March. The rumour mill has been churning since last year about a looming tutu-sized drama brewing. Apparently, the legendary ballet master, Herr von Vonch, has been tinkering with the classics. Don't you love those "old school" guys who always seem to know what they are doing. He's brought in new designs for the beloved Swan Lake, and let's just say... they are... um, not classic.
Now, darlings, as you all know, Swan Lake is pretty much the ultimate ballet ā think swirling tutus, flowing, exquisite moves, and beautiful, heartbroken swans (and a not-so-lovely prince who does the best he can, poor love). But Herr von Vonch, well, heās gone and dared to shake things up a bit. And apparently the prima ballerina, the divine Daphne Dewdrop, has taken the stage by storm in a bright, shiny silver costume. Imagine a silvery shimmer of "tutu-esque" with lots of pointy bits? Youād think she was going for a sci-fi ballerina look, like something from Star Trek: Ballet! And to be fair, silver is quite glamorous. But it doesn't say Swan Lake! Or graceful Swan to me!
So now, we have the big question: should ballet always stick with the classic white or pink? Is there a future for silver tutus, tutus with sequins, black, grey, navy...or any of the rest of the color spectrum? I guess you could say there's a "Tutu To-Do", if youāll excuse the terrible pun! But what are we all doing watching ballet and expecting the same ol' same ol', are we not? The dance world's always changing and reinventing itself.
āIt's like someone painted the swans in Space Age silver," sniffed our esteemed dance critic, Theophilus Tickle. " It just doesn't say graceful. And besides, what happened to pink and white, or maybe a little lavender. What's a ballerina to do?
Well, thereās been plenty of heated debate, as usual. But if this is ballet's attempt at staying relevant, let's just say they are leaving me with an urgent need for a gin and tonic. There are even whispers of a rival ballet company, the "New Ballet" ā think sleek, edgy, and modern ā making its debut next month. Theyāre going with black leotards and what looks likeā¦ no, wait, am I seeing things? Yes, those are tutuās made out of denimā¦ Darling! Denim! I have never seen anything so wrong or so brilliant in all my days. Are we going too far?
And as for the poor ballet dancers ā my poor loves! You would have thought they had found out about āa change in their pension planā. Well, they have always had their backsides glued together but not so many wrinkles! I do feel for the girls, they are just so fragile and thin - how on earth can they carry the weight of all these opinions on their shoulders? They look a bit like a swan who got lost in a thrift shop - if they put on some tights itād look alright and thatās all! I suspect even our most graceful swans won't be taking to the stage in Denim tutus for a while, they know it's not just their looks and beauty they are being judged on; they must dance as though every movement could shatter into a thousand pieces. How they cope! And thereās also the big question, can the average person really stomach these "out there" outfits - even with the exquisite ballets we all adore, are these designs a bridge too far?
One thing's for sure, dear readers, ballet is in for a wild ride. Who knows what next year will bring, maybe next they will come out on the stage wearing their shopping bags and carrier bags, no I just wouldn't be able to take that...well that is until the ballerinas all wore those fab, sparkly, pink handbags that I spotted in Harvey Nichols, those are real, fashion jewels, the ones that have a ālittleā handbag dangling from the strap I have always wanted a couple of these - yes the whole lot with their shoes hanging off the handles. You could even do it all in pink! Then I could watch with a good glass of champagne and maybe buy them from the girls backstage later. They could even dance as they sell, or is that āover the topā.
But seriously, darling, do you think this new ballet aesthetic has legs, or will we all be saying āTutu Au Revoir" very soon. Just when ballet seemed as exciting as watching a can of baked beans open. Personally Iām on the fenceā¦ as I've always said, a "Tutu is a Tutuā, but if we keep experimenting thereās no end to how the world might reimagine this classic, wonderful form of dance.
Oh, and, before you ask ā Iām off to get myself a pink tutu to add to my "must have" wardrobe! You never knowā¦ this may be a vintage collector's item in a few years time.
Stay Fabulous!
- Beatrice Belladonna -