**Tutus and Trouble: Ballet's Big, Pink, and…Frankly, Quite Sticky Problem**
Darling, buckle up, because this week's news is not for the faint of heart (or the easily embarrassed). You see, our beloved ballet world, usually known for its graceful swans and brooding princes, is in a state of absolute, well, *pantomime*! Why? Well, let's just say that "tight squeeze" has taken on a whole new meaning...
It all began last night at the Royal Ballet's opening performance of "Swan Lake." Yes, *that* Swan Lake, with its dreamy music, tragic heroine, and... (prepare to gag, darling) an absolutely disastrous wardrobe malfunction!
Imagine, if you will, the delicate prima ballerina, perched on her tippy-toes, about to perform the signature swan sequence, her ethereal pink tutu swirling around her. Picture it. Now, imagine, if you can, a sticky situation so dire that her delicate, diaphanous skirt got firmly, and *completely*, wedged between the slats of the stage floor.
It wasn't a little tug. It wasn't a modest mishap. Darling, this was a **tutu crisis** of epic proportions! This ballerina was trapped, stranded in her pink, ruffled prison, with the eyes of the entire audience upon her.
Fortunately, she was a seasoned professional. Instead of panicking, she took a deep breath, flashed a dazzling smile at the audience, and executed the most magnificent, **unintentional** arabesque you ever did see. Her delicate pink tutu became the *pièce de résistance* in this ballet ballet ballet performance. The stage crew, naturally, swarmed to her rescue with frantic professionalism (and no little amount of smirking, I'm sure) and with some swift maneuvers and a liberal dose of lubricant (yes, *lubricant*) the diva was freed.
You would have thought the whole ordeal was just part of the show, it was such a spectacular spectacle. However, the audience were in hysterics, and it is rumoured the entire episode is now being replayed on every smartphone in London, the UK, and possibly the world!
But, darling, this is just the tip of the tutu! (See what I did there?) This unfortunate incident seems to have touched a nerve with our ballet brethren. All over the globe, there have been whispers of a "pink tutu uprising" bubbling up amongst the usually graceful ballerinas.
This rebellion has a lot of us baffled (although quite frankly, it’s about as shocking as Prince Harry's red trousers after a night on the town - but that is a story for another day.) We can't figure out whether the ballerinas are seeking an opportunity to take centre stage in a brand new way, or whether this is just another example of the ongoing struggle against those *tyrannical* costume designers and their seemingly endless love for *super* tight garments.
There is also rumour that the pink tulle may be making a political statement about ballet's obsession with perfection and the fact that there is, indeed, beauty in imperfection. Or that ballet should embrace its past - where ballerinas, dressed in what looked like a massive cloud, danced in such a way they did not need to worry about the *inappropriate* appearance of bare legs - and ditch the skin-tight leotard, a garment more suitable for athletes than delicate, fragile fairies.
I am, however, in my personal, highly reliable (and somewhat cynical) opinion, that it all boils down to one simple, yet undeniable fact: those tutus are simply too damn small! Imagine trying to execute a grand jeté in something that fits more like a sausage casing than a comfortable dress. Let's face it, there’s enough to make you go a bit 'crunchy'!
Darling, this may be a a fashion emergency in the making, a veritable tutu tsunami, but one thing's for sure: it's all terribly exciting!
Here are the things we are seeing:
- Ballerinas are now reportedly taking matters into their own hands and strategically adding a layer or two of... *shall we call it* ... extra-large netting, or possibly, more delicately, a "tutu upgrade" for the purpose of *ease of movement*. Apparently it is a little too "extra", though, so the audience is just *so confused*.
- In a statement released by the Royal Opera House, we have learned that they are putting together a crisis committee to handle the potential pink-tutu backlash. We are eager to hear what solutions they propose!
- One group has already taken to calling themselves the 'Tutu Freedom Fighters' with the hashtag #tutuandtrouble (I admit, it's catchy, darling, isn't it?). This group advocates a "free the tutu!" movement (very catchy and trendy! A definite #tututime movement!), claiming that ballerinas deserve comfortable garments they can truly dance in.
- At the moment, they are organising a giant 'tutu swap' next week, with a view to finding solutions to ensure every ballerina can wear the pink tutu that gives her joy, and gives the public a wonderful dance. The only requirement is that there will be *a lot of lubrication.*
- They are demanding that we move away from those super-tight, "show me your body," garments that they claim are nothing short of tortuous. You know, all that "look at me" style, which they think is very, very naughty! Their motto is *no bare legs for ballet*, and, frankly, they do have a good point!
It remains to be seen, my darlings, what will happen in this 'tutu-storm,' but one thing is for certain - we'll all be holding our breaths (and keeping our fingers crossed for *free* tights) as this drama unfolds.
Stay tuned. The ballet world will never be the same. And thank you for the inspiration!