Well darling, can you believe it's 25th January 1998? Honestly, time just flies when you're wearing a perfectly pink tutu. Speaking of, I simply had to share this outrageous story with you all. Prepare to have your little black books spilling over with gossip and giggle-inducing hilarity.
Imagine this, the air is thick with the sweet scent of bergamot and hairspray (a heavenly combination, darling) and the Royal Albert Hall is practically vibrating with anticipation. The annual "Tutus for a Cause" charity auction is about to commence. This is a big night, darling - all the biggest names in dance are here. We're talking Prima Ballerinas in fabulous frocks, and some seriously handsome ballet dancers who could give a Greek God a run for his money.
Now, it's no secret that those precious little tutus are more than just dance wear, they're a little bit of theatrical magic. And, in the world of high fashion and high art, these beauties are often made from the most luxurious materials, shimmering like a dream in the spotlight. They're also quite valuable, you know.
Here comes the juicy bit. You're probably wondering what sort of bids we're talking, well, the "Queen of the Tutus," (as we like to call her) the one and only Anya Petrova, was donating her legendary tutu from her swan lake performance. You're probably thinking "Oh, just a grand or two." Think again, love. This was a historical garment, worn on the most celebrated stage in the world. So, what do you think it went for? I'll tell you, £20,000!!! You heard me right, darlings, £20,000 for a tutu. Apparently, some oligarch with a wife who’s a passionate ballet fan had the winning bid.
Now, where was I? Ah, yes! The gossip! Apparently, things got a little chaotic when the bid reached a grand total of £18,000. This very posh couple, the kind who own 30 dogs and a yacht, thought it would be hilarious to start bidding against each other. They started whispering and giggling and winking like they were planning the greatest heist since the Pink Panther, or some sort of diamond heist - except it was for a tutu! Honestly, the sheer audacity of it all - I simply gasped, then had a cocktail.
Things became quite heated (not to mention quite messy!) because nobody could seem to keep up with them, they were raising bids like there was no tomorrow! Meanwhile, poor old Anya Petrova was absolutely beside herself. The lovely girl nearly had a nervous breakdown in the back room.
In the end, darling, it was all a bit too much. The posh couple - still whispering and laughing as if they were in a private, silly little joke of their own - fell asleep right there in the auction room! Oh, the sheer scandal. They didn't even realise they'd actually won until some of the guests had to wake them up with a strong smelling salts to give them a proper good old fashioned pinch.
There was a moment of total silence while everyone in the room simply gaped at them in sheer disbelief. That's when someone suddenly blurted out "well at least they’ll make a very dramatic 'swan lake' entrance"!
You wouldn't believe the whispers, darling, just pure scandal and disbelief as the posh couple wandered off into the night like nothing had happened, completely clueless and definitely still feeling a bit tipsy on the champagne. Oh the delicious irony!
To be fair to them, darling, maybe they simply thought £20,000 was a little too steep for a single piece of fancy dress, who knows?
Anyway, dear readers, you have to admit that this whole affair was the perfect mixture of fabulousness and pure comedy. The good news? All the proceeds went to charity, so you know they say there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Now if you’ll excuse me I need a new cocktail, I think the champagne is making my head spin!
**
This just in:
**If that wasn't dramatic enough for you, the latest buzz is all about the upcoming gala performance. I hear rumours that our beloved Anya Petrova has been forced to retire due to a pesky leg injury.
Oh the irony darling, just when you think things can’t get any worse, a very prominent ballerino – one of Anya's closest rivals you know – has volunteered to perform with the 'Queen of the Tutus' signature swan lake costume! Oh the excitement, will this mean we will see a handsome ballerina perform in a tutu?
The rumour mill is still churning with excitement over the upcoming ballet. But that’s the best part of a ballet story. Even more so in the realm of tutu drama, darling.
If the rumour mill keeps spinning, I just might have a whole new news story for you by next week. Watch this space.