Oh darlings, itās your girl, Poppy, back again with another slice of pure dance-world delight! Today, June 11th 1998, the dateās practically screaming "Tutu Tuesday!" (Just imagine the fabulous press release: āCelebrate the most elegant garment on Earth, this June 11th! Itās Tutus Tuesday, darlings!ā *Insert dramatic sigh*) And whatās more, weāve got a sensational story brewing. Grab a glass of bubbly (or perhaps some Earl Grey, because it's, like, a very intellectual story), sit back, and prepare for a splash of gossip!
Remember the utterly divine ballet of āSwan Lakeā? You know, with the ballerina pirouetting like a dream, floating through the air like aā¦ well, a swan. So elegant, so utterly *refined*. This time around, though, instead of swans, we have somethingā¦ quite a bit moreā¦ well, letās just say "out of the ordinary".
Hold your feathered boas, darlings, because our "Swan Lake" troupe is in a spot of bother! Seems that *one* of our leading ballerinas decided to shake things up in a most unexpected way! Our lovely star, Henrietta - whose pirouette, might I add, was quite possibly the best *in the entire country* - made a little, well, a very dramatic entrance last night. But not, *quelle horreur*!, not with her iconic, *utterly darling* white tutu, *no*. Henrietta decided to make a grand entrance clad inā¦ hold your pearls, my darlingsā¦ a **banana** costume. A *banana*, I say! In a ballet, where everyone else is resplendent in tulle, satin, and feathers. Can you *imagine* the look on the audienceās faces?!
Youāre right, darlings, a bit more explanation is needed, here. Apparently, our leading ballerina - who, between you and me, is known for being quite *slightly* prone to the theatric - was not just a bit peckish backstage; she was *positively starving*. Now, this may not seem like much, but as youāve already gathered, dear reader, ballerinas are delicate creatures. We don't even take sips of water during rehearsals, my dear - our delicate, precious throats! You understand, right?
The drama unfolded in the most fabulous fashion. Poor Henrietta was, apparently, in dire need of some potassium. So, to keep herself from *quite literally* fainting (as it would have been such a horrible, simply *terrible* spectacle! *Shudders*), Henrietta whipped out a banana from her *extremely stylish* and oh so *handy* backstage bag. (She does own a *clutch*, darling, with *everything*. From safety pins to an extra pair of *pearls*, sheās fully prepared). But what did she do with the banana? I hear you cry, darling. Did she consume the banana in a graceful, ballet-esque fashion? Did she peel the fruit with her tiny ballerina fingers, offering each exquisite section to the audience as a delicate homage? Oh, *please*!
Of course she didn't, *chĆ©rie*. That wouldnāt be quite Henriettaās *style* at all. Instead, *darling*, Henrietta grabbed the banana with such vigor that she nearly threw herself off balance, ripped it right open (it's a very serious, even dangerous, fruit to handle with one's *delicate hands*)! But the truly unbelievable part was to follow: She started *dancing*. *On stage*. In front of an audience *gasping* for their seats! In the midst of āSwan Lakeā! And *with* the banana - that once beautiful, plump banana - **fully attached**, *with her arms wrapped tightly around its *curvaceous* exterior! I'll be honest, *darling*, weāre quite thrilled - and perhaps a little *smitten* with our leading lady. What could be more *utterly daring*, *fabulous* and completely *beyond*, you ask?
Iāve just got my hands on a recording of the incident ā and oh *mon dieu*, it's a complete *dream*. I mean, imagine *this* as a ballet: Tutus and pointe shoes flying across the stage; the other dancers trying, in vain, to maintain their composure and professionalism (but, of course, failing with much delightful hysterics - you have to love ballet!); and then there's our Henrietta - a total star! *Shining* in the most fabulous banana outfit ever. This incident - well, it has the potential to completely transform the way we think about "Swan Lake" . And maybe, *just maybe* (fingers crossed!), the story of the ballerina with the banana will inspire a new generation of dancers. And, dare I say it? The very definition of "Tutu Tuesday"!
As always, darlings, keep your eyes peeled and ears to the ground for the very latest in all things fashionable, scandalous, and utterly, wonderfully ballet. Remember, dear reader, "life is short; wear the shoes!".
Lots of love,
Poppy.