Darling, can you believe it's been over two decades since the world was blessed with the magnificent, flamboyant and undeniably dramatic ballet spectacle, *Swan Lake* starring that delectable and darling of a dancer, Derek?
Of course, the costumes were nothing short of a divine disaster, with the tutu design becoming the subject of international controversy. I can't imagine a more glamorous, and dare I say it, elegant catastrophe. But let's get this party started shall we?
Our darling Derek's tutu wasn't quite a graceful swan's plumage; rather it resembled a distressed feather boa someone had forgotten about in the attic! Oh dear, I must say, even for the *Swan Lake* finale, his graceful moves seemed almost entirely hidden by the disaster that was this "tutu" . It wouldn't be unfair to say that poor Derek spent the majority of the show battling against that ill-fated fabric monstrosity. You might think the stage manager would have been alerted to the catastrophe; but oh no darling! Such details are merely for *C-list* productions apparently!
It's not that I'm bitter or anything; after all, a ballerina is never *bitter*, but can we all just admit that tutus sometimes make a dancer's legs appear slightly, erm, **unproportional**! I'm sure even *Derek* wouldn't argue with that.
But enough with this bitter (no darling, no bitterness at all!) fashion disaster! Let's turn our attention to the *positives* in all of this shall we?
- Derek's dancing - a spectacle as dramatic and powerful as one would expect, as if a feather boa is an expected costume feature in *Swan Lake* - the world is truly becoming increasingly unfashionable dear!
- The choreography - quite divine. Despite the disaster that was *that* tutu, the entire choreography was so utterly enthralling, I almost forgot the poor tutu was present! Almost, darling. Almost.
- The rest of the ensemble - simply delightful. Of course we were all eyes for Derek and that tragic tutu (my, what a spectacle) but everyone else had to deliver a magnificent show and oh my did they. And in perfect harmony, they *didn't* wear feather boa-inspired tutus!
I dare say it might have taken a slight turn towards the "unorthodox" - if this is a word that anyone could ever use with such elegance, darling - when Derek, the wonderful Derek, appeared for the second act in what must have been *an additional* layer of this catastrophic "tutu"! The world might be becoming an ever more unfashionable place (if that is even remotely possible darling!), but at least we all still appreciate the power of a delightful and daring ballet performance, regardless of what sartorial disasters our wonderful dancers are subjected to by their dressers. Oh, darling. My apologies for such an outrageous comparison, but the second tutu's mere appearance could only be equated to an overly enthusiastic and extremely dramatic *addition* of a hair clip to what had already begun its descent into unfashionable horror! It was truly a *statement* dear, that second tutu, *wasn't* it?! I am convinced it *was* intentional. You couldn't possibly design such a catastrophic disaster by accident, surely?!
Darling, we all must have a good laugh at ourselves every now and again! As if this event hasn't provided us with plenty of reasons to laugh, darling.