Darling, buckle up your ballet slippers, because weâre about to take a little trip down the tutu-licious rabbit hole! You see, it was on the glorious 22nd of October, 1998, a day for the dance books, that the world witnessed an event so delightful, so whimsical, that it truly was...a scandal!
The esteemed Royal Ballet of London was presenting Swan Lake. But oh my darling, what happened next will truly make you gasp with amusement. The opening scene - with the beautiful swans - should have been as delicate as a spiderâs web, as pure as a white dove. But it wasnât. It was as chaotic as a backstage brawl, and oh-so-much more entertaining! You see, as the ballerinas started their iconic pirouettes, the tutus began to do things that tutus should never do!
It all began with little Miss Priscilla Peachbottom - sheâs an up-and-coming prima ballerina, absolutely adorable, a little bit chubby with bright pink cheeks - but with the best legs youâve ever seen on a stage, darlings, let me tell you. Anyway, dear Priscilla, well, she takes her first spin, and the tutu, it takes a life of its own! The poor thing starts to do an embarrassing, yet wildly funny, little twirl. It's almost like it's auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing, dear. You can practically hear the cheeky music playing in the background. I swear, if there wasnât an audience watching, Iâm certain that someone wouldâve giggled - youâd see, dear, you wouldâve seen. The tutus started to act up, it was utter mayhem, dear.
What was going on? Were the tutus feeling the autumn chills? Had someone switched the ballet shoes with magic boots that brought tutus to life? This was not the delicate ballet choreography the choreographer, poor dear, had envisioned. It was absolute, pure tutu pandemonium, darling.
This was what was unfolding, on the hallowed ground of the Royal Opera House:- Miss Peachbottom, the tutu was doing its own interpretive dance â almost like it was imitating her!
- A senior ballerina was gracefully leaping, arms outspread in a pose so classically elegant - meanwhile her tutu was flailing about, getting its knickers in a twist. You could almost hear it hissing, "This is NOT how you swan!
- On the far side of the stage, poor darling Marie was attempting a fouettĂ©, a whip-fast turn that really makes you drool with excitement, but as her tutu got into the act, dear, it was all over the shop. She couldnât do the elegant sequence with the ridiculous hoop-skirted thing twirling in the air, it was simply too busy having its own, very silly time,
Then it hit me - a genius thought, a blinding revelation - tutur-rific! Darling, we werenât watching a dance show, this wasnât a performance of the ballets, but a "Tutu Fashion Show," complete with unexpected performances! I realised then that the stage wasn't just for the graceful ballerinas, it was a giant canvas for tutus to show off! I had to share this revelation with the rest of the audience, didn't I?
So, dear, I just blurted it out: âLetâs have it for the tutus, darling!â Then, you see, this absolutely delightful thing happened: the whole audience joined in, we clapped along to the rhythm, we whooped with delight at each funny, crazy, un-ballerina-like twirl the tutus did, and even, I daresay, clapped a little extra whenever one landed particularly gracefully on the ground.
My dear, imagine - the ballet audience in stitches, at the tutu ballet! Honestly, the night was as enchanting as a fairy tale. Everyone had a wonderful time - everyone but the ballet company and the poor choreographer. There they were - in full Swan Lake costumes and tutus (hers stayed well-behaved) , their eyes aghast with horror, yet secretly - could it be? I could almost see it in their eyes - slightly enjoying it. Maybe they thought, "Perhaps a bit more tutus next time would bring the audience alive, hmm!"
It was a brilliant, completely absurd and hilarious evening. Oh, the memories, the memories. We, the fashionably informed dance lovers, had been granted a once-in-a-lifetime spectacle. This was the start of tutu consciousness - a tutu revolution - it felt so un-ballerina-like and yet...simply splendid.